Dont start talk, i'm on a roll

by SheFlowsThroughMyVeinsLikePosion   Mar 29, 2009


Dear sweetie
I just have to tell you this
I gotta get it out in the open
but its a shot i wont miss

I would have shown you
what it was like to have it all
but you gave me up for her
and you left me to fall.

I thought we were made for this
but we all just fall down
its hard to be pushed off
my thrown and lose my crown

You just need to know
that your losing your control
I'm pulling out of your grip
don't start to talk, I'm on a roll

Dear baby
You need to hear this from me
you use to be the air in my lungs
but this air was toxic i can see

Your angry cause I'm moving on
but you already made your choice
You picked her over me
just listen to the sound my voice

You cant have me cause you have her
but you don't want anyone to touch
Let me go cause now I'm not yours
I know you miss me so much

You just need to know
that your losing your control
I'm pulling out of your grip
don't start to talk, I'm on a roll

Dear angel
Now you have to let me go
I'm trying so hard to move on
even times running so slow

I cant hear that you love me
cause your playing games with my head
i don't want to hear how much you miss me
every night before i go to bed

Its hard enough its over
it was so hard to let you leave
especially when your promises
i did so willingly believe.

But Sweetie you just need to know
that your losing your control
I'm pulling out of your grip
don't start talk, I'm on a roll

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Cyber Saiyan

    Overall, I think this is a good poem.

    I like the "Dear Sweetie / Baby / Angel" line, but I think it would sound better if you used them as one-liners inbetween stanzas. Its a little odd using such a short line, then including the following lines in the same rhyme scheme.

    I also though some of the rhymes were somewhat basic. You really have to be careful using common rhymes like ALL / FALL and HEAD / BED and VOICE / CHOICE. Readers can mis-take this for a less-advanced writing style. If you use less common or stronger rhymes, it shows you have a better grasp of the subject matter. I use the website www.rhymer.com for help with rhyming sometimes. Its a great tool that helps a lot.

    I assume the title should read "Dont star talkING, Im on a roll". If its a typo, you may want to correct it. Most readers will overlook a tile thats misspelled or one that doesnt make sense.

    I did like the flow and the repeated lines. It made it feel like a song.

    Keep writing.

  • 15 years ago

    by Mess Of A Dreamer

    I liked it.
    It reminded me of myself.
    :] good job

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