Abdicating My Eden

In my own dimension
Devoid of love & hate
I was safe from harm
Perfection incarnate.

(Very beautiful start. nice and very detailed. great work here.)

In perfect harmony
Time seemed to hang
No sudden chaos
Tranquil Yin & Yang

(this part reminds me of something i would say, great)

Spoiled in riches
In my own little world
All went well
Till I saw this girl

(i like how things take a different direction here. makes me want to know what happens when you meet this girl)

Through a tiny window
Stood a woman's figure
With fascination
I dared go nearer

(great, you keep up the flow, i love it)

A tinge of awe
At what wasn't mine
Can I own this being
Portrait divine?

(great diction and imagery, i feel like i'm with you.)

Innocent smile
It proved contagious
With eyes so gentle
It seemed fictitious

(love the imagery here also, you have a gift for words)

I drew closer
Her eyes caught my gaze
She flashed a hello
And my heart set ablaze

(beautiful)

Like a fish being baited
By a fisherman's hook
Curiosity drove me
To a closer look

(nice metaphors, i'm really enjoying this poem)

My world was shook
I was missing this piece
How is it for so long
She had eluded me?

Hesitation manifested
And I stopped on my track
If i went through the window
Can I still come back?

(love the diction here)

Will I take this chance?
I thought to myself
Is she worth having
More than anything else?

(good, this is like a story, very detailed)

Oblivious to heartache
To love, envy, pain
I've always been safe
Master of this place

(nice stanza)

A beat like no other
Set off in my chest
Which fed the flame within
& flared up my interest

(love the personification(sorry if i spelled that wrong lol)

There was no more doubt about it
I didn't want to stay alone
I want to risk this happiness
Even at the sake of my home

(great but i would change want to wanted, flows better)

I reached out through the window
She met me with a grasp
Since then I've lived in joyous bliss
Never looking back

wow this was such a powerful poem, everything flow well. i loved it. keep it up. Shanik