A ribbon of blood flows from my wrist
But I don't feel the pain
I watch in awe and speechlessness
As my life runs down the drain

^^ I love how you compared it to a ribbon. It makes for great images in my mind. The flow nis absollutely perfect, along with the rhymes. The emotion is absolutely amazing. And from the first line, you had me captured.

A cloak of darkness covers me
But naked and vulnerable I feel
It holds me above the sink
My life's been a spinning wheel

^^ Again, you have such reat imagery. "A cloak of darkness" that line is absollutely amazing. And comparing your life to a spinning wheel I can totally relate.

The ice cold feeling of nothingness
Slowly spreads through my veins
I feel it taking over me
As I walk down life's empty lanes

^^ Wow, that last line is absollutely wonderful. It's so sad. But it really adds a lot to the whole poem. The emotion just grows and grows.

The darkness laps at my naked skin
The gravel road digs into my feet
Blood poors down my body
And my heart will no longer beat

^^ I love how you describe the road you walk down. The imagery in this poem is just amazing. I can't stress that enough lol. It's perfect. "Naked skin" were perfect words to use, if that makes sense.

I've got bruises all over my body
And bloodied whip marks on my back
But my cloak of darkness covers them
As my blood soaks into the black

^^ Wow, I really love how you repeated the "cloak of darkness" it's so powerful to te poem. And so emotional. And I can picture the blood being invisible against the black colour.

I've handed my soul to death
For I secretly loved the dark
With my last shuttered breathe
I walk into Death's dark park

^^ INCREDIBLE EMOTION. The first line "I've handed my soul to death" is perfect. Such sadness like giving up. And the last line wow that totally blew my mind. Perfect way of ending this poem. This is definitely going into my favorites. 5/5 Excellent excellent excellent job!!!!!!1111one

Soda E>

Very dark write ... guess it should be in that category ...
good narration... deep emotions could be felt beneath the words...

loved the last stanza...

I've handed my soul to death
For I secretly loved the dark
With my last shuttered breathe
I walk into Death's dark park
^^
nicely penned,,,

Hmm, the theme/topic has been done way too many times, it's sad that it's become a cliche, but there's some good stuff here. I like your metaphors, some of them are very original: "My life's been a spinning wheel", "life's empty lanes". Also, there's some nice wording in certain parts of the poem, especially "The darkness laps at my naked skin" and "cloak of darkness".

My favorite lines in this are:
"I've handed my soul to death
For I secretly loved the dark"
I think in some way, everyone loves that dark and its luring calls. It has a different meaning for everyone, but we all long to just ignore life for one day and secretly, fade away into nothingness.

Not bad, keep writing!

It is a great poem! I just feel that I have read some poems that are similar to this one, I believe that you have talent and that you can write something better and uniqe on this theme!
But the poem is defenitely a 5/5

"A ribbon of blood flows from my wrist
But I don't feel the pain
I watch in awe and speechlessness
As my life runs down the drain"

I like how you used the word "ribbon" here, I thought it was very unique and described what you were saying well. Good opening, grabbed the reader with the sadness and emotions.

"A cloak of darkness covers me
But naked and vulnerable I feel
It holds me above the sink
My life's been a spinning wheel"

Wow, the way you started out this new stanza blew me away. You are very expressive with all the words you write, and your wording is so orginal and entrancing. What caught my eye was this: "A cloak of darkness covers me"
Imagery; flawless........

"The ice cold feeling of nothingness
Slowly spreads through my veins
I feel it taking over me
As I walk down life's empty lanes"

So far, I have had no suggestions. Good rhyming and flow, you make the reader feel the pain you are in, and set such a clear scene for the reader to think about.

"The darkness laps at my naked skin
The gravel road digs into my feet
Blood poors down my body
And my heart will no longer beat"

I love how you said "the darkness laps...."
Excellent metaphors you have portrayed in this piece.

Third line: "poors" should be "pours".

"I've got bruises all over my body
And bloodied whip marks on my back
But my cloak of darkness covers them
As my blood soaks into the black"

The repetition of the word "blood" kind of threw me off, just because you repeated it and maybe you could think of something more unique, but that is just my opinion....

"I've handed my soul to death
For I secretly loved the dark
With my last shuttered breathe
I walk into Death's dark park"

Fourth line: Again, repeating "dark" kind of ruined it for me. Replace "dark" with a word like "morbid", "ominous", "sinister", "mystical".

Otherwise good ending, there was such emotion it blew me away!

4/5 from me, take care.....

This was a good poem. You had good rhyme and I love the poem . It almost seemed like i could could see what was happening thanks to your imagry of the poem. The poem had a excellant lay out too Good Job.

Rhyming scheme is good, i think i can say you've successfully mastered the world of descriptive language. Well done, I think it is a masterpiece pf imagery.

"A ribbon of blood flows from my wrist
But I don't feel the pain
I watch in awe and speechlessness
As my life runs down the drain"

-I really like this first stanza. The rhyme is good and the rhythm is better.

"A cloak of darkness covers me
But naked and vulnerable I feel
It holds me above the sink
My life's been a spinning wheel"

-Again, the rhythm is amazing. But for some reason, I don't really care for the second sentence. I mean, it connects really well with the first one, but I feel as though you ended it with "feel" to rhyme with "wheel", or vice versa. Don't worry, we all do that sometimes.

"The darkness laps at my naked skin
The gravel road digs into my feet
Blood poors down my body
And my heart will no longer beat"

-Just a minor misspelling. "Blood POURS down my body". I often find that even the smallest of spelling errors could ruin a poem. I do it all the time, especially with my tenses.

"I've got bruises all over my body
And bloodied whip marks on my back
But my cloak of darkness covers them
As my blood soaks into the black"

-I think someone said it already, but you used the word "dark" a lot. Perhaps it is to emphasize how morbid this really is, but perhaps you could use other synonymous adjectives.

"I've handed my soul to death
For I secretly loved the dark
With my last shuttered breathe
I walk into Death's dark park"

-Excellent ending, but I don't like the choice of words for the last sentence. It seems you were really just trying to rhyme at this point. No worries. Overall, your poem is good.

I loved the imagery in the poem.
it is something i can relate to a lot.
your wording is very unique, but be care of repeating words.
5/5 :]

Beautuifully sad poem brilliantly written.
The themes are common to those expressed by others on this site.
But your spin on it feels refreshingly unique
I really enjoyed reading this piece

Keep It Up
Excellent Poem