Daddy, are you still here?

That was very sad, but beautifuly written. The emotions were amazing, and I felt everything. Great poem, 5/5.

-mandy

Daddy, are you still here, did you see?
*Very effective idea. It makes me wonder if he's still there and if he saw everything you did. I really love the way you write. Tells a powerful story.*
Daddy, there is no point in asking anymore,
Because I know that all you will do is ignore
I wish I could have been your number one
But I am sorry that I was not born your son

*So this made me super sad. I felt so many emotions when I read this. I was sad, and kinda angry that he wasn't there for you, and also sorry that this happened. All in all this was another wonderful poem. Nik*

Daddy, are you still here, did you see?
The blood wouldn't stop coming out of me
Tell me, did you see me take that last breath?
Tell me, how long does it take to bleed to death?

^^ my favourite stanza...i loved the flow, rhyme scheme, everything else about this poem... especially the repitition. I think you have a lot of talent, you put plenty of emotion into it: none of your poems, from those 4 i've read, seem 'not' from experience...dont stop writing, you're a great poet =] take care...MEZi x

Wow, this was a good poem. i liked how you repeted the fisrt line in every stanza execpt the last. the rhyme and flow was great. I felt rejectedwhen i read it. 5/5

First off this poem was brilliant!

First stanza: I enjoyed the child-like view it was very cute yet sad all at the same time

Second Stanza: This to me was more of a pre-teen stage and I liked how you broke each stanza up giving them different time lines

Third Stanza: I love the frustration you can see now that you are getting more concerned

Fourth Stanza: This broke my heart I can relate and for parents not to understand is difficult

Fifth Stanza: the last line kind of caught me by suprise almost even though I know it's coming it's still shocking

Sixth Stanza: I love this but I hate it. I hate what it is showing but it is beautifully done

Seventh Stanza: I am not sure if this fit here because would you be calling him dad still if you had died but it's just my opinion

Eighth stanza: I liked how the repetition was dropped but it was still a strong message
nice job

5/5