Unintended

by xToBeWithYoux   Jun 22, 2009


An adored disaster:
I didn't want
to love you.

Cannot you see?
Co-existing shan't be questioned,
like breathing isn't challenged.
Facts of life just are.

Disagreement quickens the pulse of life;
My memories yearn for your knowledge,
as do my eyes, counting images
until they are graced
with your perfection once more.

In all this anxiety,
my subconscious has already concluded.

Whispered promises surround clouded musings,
one soft scream shimmers in heavy air:
Unintended choice.
Mysteries of the world morph,
hazy mornings stitched together into
a tapestry of answers:
I should love you.

Please,
fill the gaps between my fingers.
They belong to your heart.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Jennifer RIP Lesthat Hayden

    I love the line with the pulse of life. That is such a cool metaphor.

    Tapestry of answers is also pretty cool along with the last line.

    I say, you may be young, but from what I've read of your work thus far, you're bad ass. XD

    You have a very good creativity for metaphors and just words in general. Great job, 5/5.

  • 16 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "An adored disaster:
    I didn't want
    to love you."

    The opening was short but you clearly stated your true thoughts. I thought it was very powerful and a good start to this poem.

    "Cannot you see?
    Co-existing shan't be questioned,
    like breathing isn't challenged.
    Facts of life just are."

    The first line was a little bit awkward, but that's probably because I never have heard that before. The rest of the lines are good, I am enjoying your work.

    "Disagreement quickens the pulse of life;
    My memories yearn for your knowledge,
    as do my eyes, counting images
    until they are graced
    with your perfection once more."

    Wow, I love the wording here, absolutely flawless. Great detail and descriptions that make this poem come alive and into the reader's mind. Well-expressed thoughts/feelings.

    "In all this anxiety,
    my subconscious has already concluded."

    This was neat, just two little lines, but they state a clear statement, and you get your point across to the reader.

    "Whispered promises surround clouded musings,
    one soft scream shimmers in heavy air:
    Unintended choice.
    Mysteries of the world morph,
    hazy mornings stitched together into
    a tapestry of answers:
    I should love you."

    The vocabulary here was superb.

    The first two lines were extremely descriptive and detailed and the rest of this stanza is brilliant. You really bring the reader into this piece. I love how you said: "hazy morning stitched together into a tapestry of answers:"

    A clever stanza my friend!

    "Please,
    fill the gaps between my fingers.
    They belong to your heart."

    I love the ending, it sounds desperate, and its a unique way to put it.

    5/5 from me, you are one awesome poetess, keep up the excellent work!

    Take care and have a good week.

    ~MaryAnne

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