Between the Lines

This dream that's barely half awake
chases sleep from my mind as
I try to push my eyes
open.

You're in my dreams again tonight.

The beating of my heart
seems to scream
your name.
Cliche? Of course.
But it's all I can make
fit.

I'm talking to what's left of you, you know?

My insomnia has taken over
now that you aren't here to
lull me to sleep.
And instead of counting sheep -
God forbid I be the norm -
I count the number of times
you said you loved me.

Was I in the wrong when I believed you?

I sought shelter in you that you
were all too happy to provide.
You talked about wanting; about
needing just me.
For always; for
ever.

I could forgive you if you'd meant it when you said it.

I auctioned off all the memories of you
and what we were together.
They grew too heavy for me to carry around.
I just thought I'd let you know
They sold for more than you ever gave me. I
would've unburdened myself sooner
if I'd known someone else would want them.

You see, you aren't the only one that can let us go.

This was easier on you than me
since you got to leave town.
Thanks a lot for sticking me
with the stares and whispered questions
no one has the gall to really ask.

Will you ever be able to think of someone else before yourself?

The laughs and hugs and kisses
still stay in my brain,
permanent marks you left
on me.
Though I can't remember
any of the good times clearly anymore.
The bad ones have invaded
and I'm afraid those hugs and kisses
became integrated because I couldn't let it all
be bad.

I just need you to remind me who I was.

Sometimes I still ache to be us;
to feel that fire once again.
I know that it'd be pointless - we
were always meant to destroy each other.
But I hold on to the good times,
seldom though they were.
I keep myself believing
and believing that I'm happy.
I've convinced myself
that I'm better off without you.

I'm sorry, love; I think you wore me out.

Copyright 2009 S. Sieglaff