Wash away like waste...

Tell me what to do, where to go?
How to live another lie that's not for show.
Tell me when it will all end?
This searing pain in my heart that I fail to understand...

I placed my life and trust in you alone,
But you told so many stories that only hurt me soul.
And now I'm lost and in need,
But neither can I ask nor any advice heed.

So where do I go when I'm trapped right within,
From every word you told me that passed on like sin.
Why did I believe you when I knew you were never true?
Why did I love you when hatred became long overdue?

I cast aside all feelings within my heart,
A bare soul lay stretched with grievances retched apart.
Neither did I claim nor did I want,
Neither did I ask nor did I dare chant.

All I have is this emptiness to which I can only cling,
Empty alcohol bottles have no use when your words continue to sting.
Day and night I live the same pain,
The same thoughts make me cry as life washes away like the most finest grain.

Tell me my love, what is it that I lacked?
Why make me feel so worthless when infact it was you that drew a pact.
You were not willing to take a stand where our love was concerned,
Abiding only by what your parents told, but never once my worth was earned.

Never in my life did I feel what I felt for you,
But now there is only emptiness reigning true.
There is no joy, no happiness nor even a smile upon my face,
There is nothing more to believe in when you made me feel like a disgrace.

And here I am once again,
Shattered to the core yet for all them I try hold my head up high.
For all of them I try and be brave and fight these flowing tears,
For all of them I try and show them a new way,
So that one day when I'm gone they will not lament,
They will be strong enough to find a life in this terrible place.

Maybe the time has come when those nightmares come true,
When I walk into the arms of Him who I know will never hurt,
Nor make me feel as though in this world I have no place,
Maybe it's time I made a change to wash away like waste....