Surrender To My All

"Her sapphire eyes
-utterly defenseless-
are penetrated with
vigorous fantasies."

^^I love this opening, so dark and really sets the tone for the piece, while the imagery is beautifully created.

"Her scorched lips
-carelessly split-
are drenched with
perfumed liquids."

^^The imagery you manage to crate within so few words is truly remarkable, it's like I can -see- everything that you're describing. However, I don't think you need "her " in the first line.

"Her withered hands
-cleverly handled-
are nurtured with
ardent kisses."

^^The wording here is frikken fabolous! (sp?) I'm really enjoying this and finding it to become better and better as it goes along.
"Her manipulated thoughts
-fully perilous-
are spiked with
deadly sins. "

^^What a truly beautiful ending, the depth and meaning here is incredible, and certainly hits the reader with a bang.

To say this was a relataively short write, you did an amazing job with it!

"

Not long, a little cryptic, sensual, dark, and very cleverly written around the theme.
I like the rhythm and the style and the consistency of each stanza. the description throughou is paramount and very well done.

good luck!

aish

xx

MaryAnne,

This is a poem about a woman posessed by evil. I know you meant it to be a scary poem, because you posted it here, but to me it is a sad one.
I have met people like that, often they became that way after playing the Ouija ( I don't know if I spelled it right) board, because when you do that, the evil spirits can find a way into your head.

It's beautifully written, but because of the thoughts it brings to mind, it is an extremely sad poem to me!

*hugs*

5/5 Ingrid

'Her sapphire eyes'
`I liked sapphire, it wasnt boring but rather a better word than blue or something

'vigorous fantasies.'
`Great word choice, very dark

'-carelessly split-'
`I didnt really like the usage of carelessly, I understand your meaning of this line but I dont think it was the best word

'Her withered hands
-cleverly handled-
are nurtured with
ardent kisses.'
`I like your form its great and consistant, a good stanza, at first I thought it was kind of cliche but reading it a second time I loved the way you worded it all

'are spiked with
deadly sins.'
`Very strong ending, something Ive never heard of.

A great write. Its nice to see you blossoming as a poet and trying new things.