Crying myself to sleep

I muffle the cries from my room in my pillow, I'm suffocating myself with tears and my broken heart still shattering.

My bodies like a piece of clay that i cut into with violence. I dig deeper and deeper trying to get rid of my inside pain.

The day has been so tiring trying to pretend that I'm alright. Smiling and laughing playing my part, until I come home at night. The night brings back my shadow, the image of the real me. Haunting me, Screaming at me, my mind tries to take over.

"Bleed, Tina, Bleed" I do as I'm told, to frightened of myself not too.I cut and I bleed just as I say, "Again, Again" Again I cut. Blood pours from my veins onto my floor. Finally I'm satisfied.

I hate myself this way, I hate the evilness and the hurt I put myself through. I'm afraid, afraid if i don't do what I say that I'll do something worse. I just want to live, really live, not be alive. I hate the feelings of worthlessness and all the pain that comes with it.

No one understands this routine i go through, no one thinks it could possibly be me. Not her shes so perfect. I need help, I'm tired of myself, tired of the shattered pieces of my heart, and the scars on my wrist. Tired of all my pain and my stinging conscience. Tired of not being seen but looked at.

Finally, I have cried myself to sleep.