Lullaby of Lovers

Well done! Loved the whole thing!

Sing me the words of wisdom
Let me learn about the past
Of all the threatening dangers
And our souls will never contrast.

'best stanza

'Sing me the melody of love
Let it spread and proclaim
Shatter the wall of hardship
And free the dancing flame.'
`Heres a suggestion so you can eliminate a unnecessary word 'and' -- remove the and before free on the last line and put either a dash or a semi colon [;] after hardship. It will flow okay without it. (: I loved this first stanza though a great opening. I dont think the first line was that original but it works with what you want to say.

'Sing me the words of wisdom
Let me learn about the past
Of all the threatening dangers
And our souls will never contrast.'
`Same thing here, I think you can do without 'and' -- take it out & put a semi colon or dash after contrast.

'Dive into the fervid currents
Listen as they chant in chorus
Of a destiny that breathes
In the heart of the forests.'
`I know that currents is most likely used as a metaphor here, very interesting to describe them as fervid. Really loved the last three lines of this stanza, they seemed original and beautifully done.

'Dive into another realm
Listen as the ballad blooms
Of a daring prince who
Her lips he would consume.'
`It sounded really good til the last line. Your word consume threw me off. Someone consuming someones lips, sounds a bit creepy and disturbing lol. Get what I mean? That word is just a bit too strong for what youre trying to say.

Just a thought -- adding some puncuation. You have a great flow going with your rhyme, awesome rhythm but it doesnt hurt a poem to have puncuation. It could strengthen it. (:

What a beautiful write this was. I think you did a great job, it was rather simple but also--I loved the pattern, each two stanzas started the same. I havent seen that idea used before. You did great. Loved the read, thank you for posting!

MaryAnne,

This poem is perfect in wording, in title and it has a really strong uplifting message..

Sing me the melody of love
Let it spread and proclaim
Shatter the wall of hardship
And free the dancing flame.

^^

This stanza to me was most profound, because love is indeed the thing that enables us to endure all hardship..not only the love of fellow men, but most definately also the love for God almighty.

You should be proud of this verse, it was very beautiful indeed:)

*hugs* and God bless,

5/5 Ingrid