Been thinking long and hard...

Been thinking long and hard about life,
Where my road lies and what I want out of life.
Been thinking long and hard about who I am,
And why I don't know the person in the mirror or don't give a damn.

I thought it would be fine to blame you for all that's gone wrong,
Harp on about the pain in my heart that's been singing all along.
I thought that I could brush the tears from your eyes and be the greatest friend,
Thought I'd be there forever and not let everything end.

But I've realized that I'm not who I was,
My thoughts are different and my character fades as I remember the past.
I'm not afraid to lose all those that I once cared for more than my own self,
I'm not afraid to walk alone along the dark path that I've chosen so well.

I can't choose to write a new destiny for myself,
Nor can I choose to erase the past and begin a new life itself.
I can't change who I've become - only remember who I once was,
Can't say I'm the best when I've lost every integrity and virtue as everyone does.

Yet I'm trying to find those lost days of youth,
Recover those days when instead of happiness only tears of pain became my truth.
I'm trying to find a long lost soul who wishes to abide in darkness and solitude,
Not willing to give life another chance or glow in bliss but in silence brood.

Where have those days gone when in an instant her heart would melt?
Patience and virtue, care and understanding engulfed her soul - even through distances be felt.
Where have those times gone when she relished in the simple joys of each day,
A smile painted sweetly across her face where neither fear, nor pain had the courage to stay.

Why has it all been lost and every soul cast aside as though a dirty rag but overused?
Why has your soul been sold to the devil and neither respect nor care upon your face speak?
Why have you fallen so low that neither shall happiness a part of your life be,
Nor even sadness engulf every feeling for emptiness holds within all that you see.

Cast back and forth as though a small toy used in a child's silly game,
Wandering forth along a path so narrow and yet so cold amidst fake fame.
Who shall you call your own when you deal with none and cast aside?
Who shall you claim to love when there is no one beside?

Tell me how you shall move forward along a life bent only on destruction,
Where drugs have become a way of life - it is but only an obstruction.
Tell me how will you look forth into the eyes of all those who once trusted you,
How will you bear the guilt of such a big betrayal that you cannot undo.

You walk and think that all will be right,
That you don't need anyone and alone you will fight.
Come day or night you won't hold true to a single soul,
Not even yourself as you blacken your own name just for another roll.

Think long and hard and you'll see the truth,
As you waste your own life away and play along the devil's flute.
Think long and hard and you'll realize,
How much you're going to lose - including those you idolize.