Repetition if used wisely can as in your first enhance a poem and strike home your message, yet in this poem as it is long it became a bit monotonous it does not however take away any of the message you are trying to conveying but I must admit I found it a bit floundering and hard work to finish. A good poem but because of the repetition I would not call it excellent though it has its merits. 4/5 Ray S
"In our sick world of final hours,
Preventing our scars,
Walking through razor-blade flowers."
^The first line was something I found confusing, I feel as if it has a deeper meaning that I can not contemplate, and at the same time it's two random themes you felt like colliding together. I didn't really like the second line at all though, but you seemed to fit it in with the last line of this stanza. It's kind of iffy, a rather confusing first two lines. The last line was rather intriguing though, "Razor-blade Flowers" It seems to relate back to the second line, scars and razor blades, and self-mutilation. And yet you described it as something beautiful, elegant and yet frightening.
"For as we are, living with prophetic fate.
For the time, Life is distorted by hate.
For the hours awaiting, Losing life can't wait."
^ I loved this stanza. It makes my skin crawl to imagine, as I have come to understand the stanza to be. Life is filled with hate, and yet death comes so quickly to silence us. Absolutely beautiful use of words, I loved how you use your words in this.
"In our sick world dying daylight,
The demented defy death only to be denied life,
Creating remorse, allowing no room to fight..."
^This is an interesting stanza to contemplate. The second line rather intrigued me, made me think for a bit as to what you may mean. It was actually rather a bit of a risk to make something like this, as many would go on not bothering to understand. But you made me actually _want_ to understand. "Demented deny death only to be denied life" sort of a What-Goes-Around-Comes-Around theme, leaving me thinking that life is fair, and yet fearful of this line at the same time.
"In our sick world of final hours,
I did not prevent my scars,
by walking through razor-blade flowers."
^ I loved how this was ended, wrapping it up with the first stanza wonderfully, though you only changed a few words. I finally understand what you meant by the second line, though it was slightly frustrating not to get it at the beginning. Maybe you should change the beginning around a bit so that it can stand on it's own, without the support of the last stanza that in my opinion may have come a little late.
This was a well written poem, a little too long and the repetition seemed to drag on slightly. Overall, it was good, you portrayed a thought well a thoroughly. Even if it would have been preferred if you were able to portray every thought with more powerful words. I felt a bit of vagueness that made me think, and sometimes I think it made me think a little too much. The flow was good, off and on in my opinion but perhaps that's just my reading style. Keep on Writing. (:
I think its a great poem some like myself may have to look up wat some of the words mean but it was definitly good i like the repitition in the first few stanzas great work and good addition to the first one i think 5/5 keep it up
Hmmm yes the world is sick in many ways and its quite easy to point out. Nice work the structure was ever building however it was hard to read around the middle as you changed the structure but you most definately had a strong end.