Seeing my worries gather
at the bottom of the pan,
I realise this darkness is part of me
its the essence of who i am.
With every purge i feel better
and relief floods over me,
The burning pain is a reminder
of how strong that i can be.
Vomiting the bile of life
and releasing all my pain,
Watching worries disappear
every time i pull the chain.
For a moment i feel safe again
like i finally have control,
Because every time it happens
im a step closer to my goal.
But in that very same instance
guilt rifles my restless brain,
Im enapsulated by this monster
enslaved by my inner pain.
I stand up feeling empty
tears streaming from my eyes,
I try to recompose myself
and bury the pain back deep inside.
I tell myself it wont happen again
that im going to claim back my life,
But i know deep down that this wont happen
and there will always be a next time.
