Misconstrued Words and Distorted Choices

I am a little off center, a little out of place.
I attempt what is right but dont habitually thrive.
I own countless moments of weakness.
My emotions struggle and plead to survive.

I recognize I have lived as I shouldnt
I enclose a past lingering with regret.
The appalling converts into horrific.
So much of life has posed as a threat.

I often reminisce about you and your motives.
Motives as to why you still trouble with me.
Just tell me: What makes me worth it?
I understand that I come with a vast fee.

Frustration, rage, throbbing disgust, shame:
All of these emotions are reminders of seemingly promising choices.
Part of the past yes, but persistent in their quest to haunt me.
Choices which start off capable and later alter into discussions and upset voices.

Mercy, forgiveness, compassion, patience:
this is to name simply the minority of your traits.
Sincerely and genuinely manufactured in Gods image, with
exquisite precision and astounding beauty in what he creates.

Daddy, I realize I am not a perfect daughter.
I too often wound and dynamically disappoint you.
But God has shown me his mercy through your acceptance.
You go immensely beyond what most fathers even think to do.

I honestly do try daddy, I strive awfully hard only to fall short of impressing you.
I have memorized that instant you scramble to put up that defined disguise.
You dont know how staggering and vile it feels to witness that escaped
flash of frustration and discontent veiled by your compelling hazel sketched eyes.

I am so sorry for every disappointment and spark of fury I have triggered.
My intent: simply to make you proud. I somehow seem to stumble in the reverse direction.
You have given me numerous chances, constantly standing by my side.
Providing incredibly sturdy shelter accompanied by such soothing protection.

I hope one day you will be able to look in my eyes and honestly be proud.
Maybe I can turn into the girl you want your daughter to become.
For now, I will just continue to do my best even if I fall short.
This pain and failure is not something I will simply run from.

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