Mixed-Up Tears

I cry myself to sleep at nights
pretending with the lights turned out
Don't know why I can't stop crying
What is it that I've been hiding?
I can't control the bruising sadness
Feels a little like I'm going mad.
I look for a distraction
anything to get my hands on
why can't I get a handle
on these mixed-up tears?
I test myself with useless facts
call all the friends who won't call back
hoping somehow I won't be left alone
but no one's coming.
Still wishing I wasn't feeling
sad for no good reason
just breathe in and clench my fists
why can't I get a handle
on these mixed-up tears?