Framing Mona Lisa

Landy,

Seeing as I'm an "artist" or art student I became quite fond of this piece. I thought it was creative and elegant in its own way. While to me it has some flaws it was beautiful and I'd like to tell you what I think of the poem itself and possibly help you along the way.

I adored the first stanza, the expression throughout the poem was stunning and I believe you really pulled it off. However I'm not too fond of the word "vellum" because it's a parchment and I am not too sure how many people really draw on parchment. Mona Lisa herself was painted on poplar wood, however I do understand you using it as artists generally draw on catridge paper or something similar and it's not the most beautiful word.

"Silence, stillness, silence"

I didn't like the line above, simiply because you used silence twice, I know you were proberly going for a technique here in representing her pose but I believe you should find another word for the last silence because it doesn't work too well for me. Silence and stillness are words which represent the same thing so possibly try and find another to do the same. However apart from that I really enjoyed this stanza I thought it was quite clever and the juxtaposition between this and the first stanza had a great effect.

"Thy pupils bore straight through,
burning holes on my thick canvas."

The two lines above I adored! really clever in my opinion, I liked how you used the word "Thy" archaic language definitly takes the reader back to the time when Mona Lisa was painted.

The last stanza was ok however the first two lines focused on the background of the painting and in a still life it was what was in the foreground that was important. The background had no relevance to a portrait.. I felt like the rhyme was a little forced in this stanza. I think if you removed the first two lines and just left the last two it would really end the poem on a great level, and if you are worried about the rhyme not be because it would rhyme with the last line of the 7th stanza. I liked the two ending lines in the 8th stanza.

Overall I am quite proud for you writing this piece. It impressed me. Well done.

-Mel.

Holy cow girl!!

Your first stanza was incredible! You painted a perfect picture for your audience! Pun intended! lol

You're one of two people who I can actually read a non rhyming poem and fall in love with it. That rarely ever happens to me! I loved this!! I do not like art whatsoever either, and this poem really captivated my attention. I don't know how you do it, but every time I read your work I'm blown away!
Chelsey