Comments : One For the Road

  • 13 years ago

    by Karl Wild GG23

    I wrote a poem a while back similar to this one in a lot of ways. The loneliless and failure our characters wear on there faces are very alike in many ways. The imagery once again was strong I could picture an old bar with smoke everywhere and jukebox music. Great work

  • 13 years ago

    by SiLeNtLy ScReAmInG

    I liked the imagery in the poem. I'd say that was your strongest point throughout. You described everything quite vividly so that I could picture it clearly in my head. I liked the lines like "Slides it along the sweat encrusted counter" and "Stale stench of rough cigar smoke" cause they applied to more than one of the senses making it more reall and clear the state of the bar and emphasizes how you described it as old, tattered and dirty in the very first line. The descriptions definately make the bar seem like a real place rather than just simply saying it was a bar.

    I have to say the first stanza, was most definately my favorite though overall as a whole stanza. I liked the description of the dreamer waiting for inspiration, and how it contrasted with the dingy dirtiness of the bar, not a likely place to find the inspiration, it shows how low the person is I think. I liked the poem overall and thought you did a good job with it. 5/5

  • 13 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    I enjoyed reading this contemperary poem. The imagery of the bar sets the mood and the flow is flawless

  • 13 years ago

    by ilikepurple222

    This is sad. but also good at the very same time. do you mean that this person has let go of their dreams and now sulks and lets life go by without them? like he's letting life get the best of him?

  • 13 years ago

    by Shinobi

    This is actually a poem I never encountered before. The idea is original...
    The main point of this poem was not to drive drunk I think, or is it just a funny poem about a drunk in a bar?
    Either way, you did a very good job on the discription of the bar. I could've imagined it all the way through the poem.
    A very nice work on the rhyming, and keeping the flow.
    Nothing less than a 5/5

  • 13 years ago

    by Dreamofolwin

    This created a visual picture in my mind... Lol. You have painted the picture so well, of a drunk sitting in this dingy old bar room... dreaming of what life could have been. I found it very touching... especially the last line...

    "Slowly decaying into his own ring of death... "

    Strong words... that are so true, Lol.

    Thankyou for this poem. A good job :)