Realization

There were so many things I wanted to do with my life.
There's so much that I'll never experience.
I'm not sure where I'm going, what I'm doing, or who will be there for me.
All I know is that life is made of choices and they're not always the right ones;
And that the choices we make have consequences.
How do we know we made the right choice?
Will we know by measuring our happiness?
Can you measure happiness?
Does it exist?
What happens when you realize that you don't think you'll ever be truly happy?
Or when you feel that you don't deserve to be?
What then?
Who will be there for you then?
All we have in this life is ourselves.
We're the only ones we can rely on, the only ones who won't lie to us.
Well, actually, we do lie to ourselves each and every day.
We give ourselves encouragement and then we hold ourselves back.
We tell ourselves that we don't deserve it; that we're not good enough.
We sit and wait for something to happen; sit and wait and wait and wait.
What if nothing happens?
What then?
You live your entire life never truly alive; you sit and wonder while the thoughts consume you
Until there's nothing left but an unlived, wasted life full of emptiness and pity and sorrow.
I don't want to be that person.
I want something more.
I want something more than I can even imagine.
But it won't just happen, I need to make it happen.
I have to find a way out.
I have to get out.
I can't pretend I'm okay all the time because I'm not.
No one is really okay.
What is okay?
Why do we settle for okay?
I want to be well.
I want to be happy.
I want to know that truth.
I don't want to be second best.
There has got to be something more than this out there;
I just need to find it.