I dont understand why you get so mad. I wanted to go to the store, and you made me feel as if i had asked you to rope the moon and bring it to me. Such an impossible thing. You are impossible, you can make me cry just by getting mad at me, how sensitive can i be?
There was a time when i thought you held the whole of my heart in your hands but lately, i have been so sad, so empty. I want you to come to me, to open up the whole glory of my beauty, to explore my essence. Yet i am left to question my motives and if any of how i feel makes sense?
Tonight proves my point, you get mad and i want to crawl inside myself, my father use to make me feel that way i have wounds that run deep, and you arent healing me anymore only making my wounds bleed.
I want to cry tonight, and now you think that i have been so upset if only you understood. Today my mood has been anything but pleasant. I have been depressed, sad, mournful and i realize how much i honestly miss the ones that loved me most. How can i love someone so much and yet be hurt by you so?
You have no idea how i work, no idea what it is that you have said or done to make me feel so hallow inside, and i refuse to read or let you see this side of me. You sit there contemplating what i am saying and i dont want you to know. I dont want to fight i just want to crawl inside my heart and pray the pain will fade, and tommorrow i will be happy, my beautiful soul shining once again.
I work better this way i prefer to lick my wounds, and deal with them this way than to talk. I dont want to talk i always say the wrong thing every word i know you dont want to hear. I would prefer to be mad, to ignore your presence at my side while my back is facing you in the bed. I dont want your length inside me or your kisses on my lips on my hand or my face. I dont want to touch you or be touched by you i fear if you do i might break. My body will shatter.
I have only felt such love and devotion from you but that too has faded. I only want your undivided attention to be cherished and caressed so gently....the softness of your hands bringing such love to my face, my eyes forgiving even as the tears roll down my face. I want you to embrace all of me, but only i can start everything. I have to make the first move and i feel so unsettled in the end.
