I'm dating people, but I don't know if I'm making a mistake of how I went to your house tonight, I've realized a lot about myself. I love you, I do but sometimes I just don't know who you are anymore. You told me everything about yourself a long time ago & then I tell you I still care. Where does that lead us? Am I setting myself up for another disappointment? Did I just make a huge mistake in my life?
I told myself I wouldn't have you in my life anymore, but the thing is - we got too comfortable way too fast, we know each other like the back of our hands. You make me smile & I make you smile. We can just talk for hours at a time & let time pass us by. I've realized that I'm addicted to you - the personality that you have, the image you make for yourself.
I'm dating around, but does that mean I'm giving you another chance, does that mean that I still want you in my life even though you told me I was an embarrassment to you? I've never been so confused in my life, I honestly don't know what or how to handle this situation. How can I do this at one time, how can I explain myself to others? I've built up my walls way too high & now I am just waiting for somebody to break them down.
I met a guy - I did, I'm not ashamed of it because he brings the best out in me. I've realized that he likes me for the person I am, he remembers things & he doesn't forget anything. I found a guy that I like a lot, but I keep putting myself back into that situation of getting hurt again, I keep putting myself back a year ago where I was so madly in love with somebody that I was completely oblivious to the outside world - I took advantage of my friends, my family when I only needed them.
I don't want to put my family through that again, because I can't lie to them anymore, my family likes this guy that I'm seeing right now, but they highly dislike you. How can I keep you in my life without causing all this drama going around? I love you, I do but sometimes my family's opinion pushes me into the direction I head. I'm scared that you will do the same thing you did to me last time. That I will just be your punching bag for things that don't even matter.
I need to realize I am a beautiful person, something that you taught me. I've never understood how intelligent I am, or how beautiful I am. I'm not meaning to sound full of myself, I don't because I still don't think that highly of myself. But you were the one who put those thoughts into my mind, you were the one who brought the life out of me. The one who made stuff happen, so how can I not have you in my life but have you in my life at the same time?
I am so confused right now, it feels like I can't even move my own two feet out of this sand, I'm stuck until I make a decision. & honestly I am scared half to death to make one. I'm getting pulled in two completely different directions.
This decision can make or break my life. Choose the guy who doesn't drink, smoke or do drugs or choose the guy who drinks, smokes & used to do drugs.
This should be an easy answer, but if you were in the same position I am in right now, it's very difficult. Imagine having somebody you love & then somebody that you like a lot trying to be with you. You don't know who to choose, its complicated & out of control. I need a break, I really need another month vacation to get away.
The hardest thing to do is watch the person you love, fall in love with somebody else.
