Worms and Wasps

Under everything,
rocks, soil, worms and dead wasps,
lies fingernails, broken, yellow tinged,
still laced with cigarette smoke,
and honey.

^^This is a gripping beginning and it is so freaking descriptive. The scene it sets up makes me wonder what the point of this piece is. But I was eager to find out...

beautiful morning it is
today,
but only if your brother didn't
die last night.
will he ever find a beautiful morning
again?

^^This line starts off sweet, then takes a turn for the worst... It tells what happened and sets the piece up for more story to see how you take the symbolized death or the true death... depending on who reads this when.

(would it ever really be the same?)

^^This leaves the reader hypnotized in thought for a moment, or it did for me.

he liked honey,
the sweet taste against his rough tongue.
reminded him of autumn,
the falling of the leaves, the colour
the taste of pure innocence,
like virginal sex.

^^I like the use of simile in this stanza. It really added something to the piece. Though I still love the line about honey reminding him of autumn. that's something your sure to always remember, and that is one beautiful thing, because memories keep a person alive in your soul.

he's never going to taste the honey,
or hear her sweet lipstick kisses
slide across his inner lip.

^^Maybe he won't but he had something much more valuable, a sister who seemed to care a lot. Maybe the descriptions here, like the honey bit made me think this piece should have a different name, but oh well.

nothing,
gone.

^^This is so true that there is nothing and so the only thing gone is the person. Memories, thoughts are still here. And You can never truly leave.

forever.
^^ This is a beautiful end note, but nothing is here forever so nothing is gone forever.

I'm sure I am taking this piece in a totally different light than most will, but that's okay because poetry is supposed to mean something different to each person. And if it does than the author did a fabulous job, just like you did with this piece. I love the word choice and all the descriptions within this piece.
5/5 For this magnificently well penned piece

MRK

Wow this was really powerful, im not used to non rhyming poems but this was written so well!
well done it was a pleasure to read
5/5

Beautiful, sophisticated poem

Under everything,
rocks, soil, worms and dead wasps,
lies fingernails, broken, yellow tinged,
still laced with cigarette smoke,
and honey.

^^
This was a very vivid image of how us mortals become, when we lay down our lives and I find it clever how you use the word honey to draw the reader in, because it creates suspense: "why does she say honey??"It also gave the one lying there a very human touch.

beautiful morning it is
today,
but only if your brother didn't
die last night.
will he ever find a beautiful morning
again?

^^
Our perception of reality is a very personal one, and so one can be in their own private hell, whilst other are enjoying a morning in paradise.

(would it ever really be the same?)

^^
No, experiences like this change us forever.

he liked honey,
the sweet taste against his rough tongue.
reminded him of autumn,
the falling of the leaves, the colour
the taste of pure innocence,
like virginal sex.

^^
This very personal description of honey was a very rich one, you somehow added to my world with it.

he's never going to taste the honey,
or hear her sweet lipstick kisses
slide across his inner lip.

nothing,
gone.

forever.

^^
We take our memories with us when we go, but given your age, I think your brother went too soon..I am sorry for your loss.

A beautiful poem

5/5 Ingrid

I feel the loss; very sad. interesting pick of descriptors for the subject. well done!