Like a tree cast in shadow
I am all twisted, contorted into agonising positions to try and reach the sun.
The waves of anger and pain wash over me again and again and again.
There is no respite from these constant attacks.
There is no cure.
There is no end.
Life has no meaning left.
I am beyond exhausted with each and every day passing.
My eyes are lifeless, weary.
It hurts too much to laugh.
And Im too far gone to smile convincingly.
I am in an invisible cage of doubt and despair.
I cannot push past the barrier to feel anything.
And I cannot allow anyone to get close.
Even if I wanted to.
My loneliness is punishment for once being too happy.
And thinking it was something I deserved... not needed to earn.
I break apart as I realise I have done this to myself.
That I have pushed myself deeper and deeper into this life I would never have chosen.
The photos on my wall are from another life.
A stranger smiles back at me with a vivaciousness,
A tenacity for life and love.
A girl with the whole world in front of her.
