I Am Not Ready

by WakingFreedom   Nov 10, 2010


I shut my eyes
And my thoughts light up
Causing my head to burn
With images of you.
How can you haunt me now
When all I want is darkness
When all I want is peace?
I open my eyes
And tears blur the world
Smearing colors together
Red and yellow turning salty orange
I don't want to think
About you at all
Please go away
I am not ready to grieve
Let the numbness of your
Absence return and let
The tears dry away
I already forgot
The sound strong of your voice,
The feel of your reassuring strength,
The color of your amber eyes
I am still blaming you
For leaving me alone
To fight for my freedom
To fall on my own
To get back up again
I am still blaming you
For not being there
When I felt I needed you
I am still blaming you
for everything that goes wrong
Why do you have to
Come back and haunt me
Causing the tears to fall tonight
I don't want to stop blaming you yet
I don't want to stop blaming
I don't want to forgive you
For dying
I want to hate you
Until you come back
I want to hate you
Until you realize you made a mistake
I want to hate you
Until you hate yourself
......But it's been too long now,
To hold this guilt is growing old
Aging me, fading me
I guess I just want to say
...I miss you...

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