Do you remember lightening my
dark nights with the love in your eyes ?
How my heart leaped for
the delicacy of your sweet words ?

^^^
Nice opening Nana.
I am thinking you perhaps mean ...
"Do you remember lighting my"

lightening just feels a little awkward to me ... but what do I know ... lol

When your smile drenched
my dim days with sunshine drips.
How long I danced and twirled
to the enchanting tunes of your
heart beats!
^^^
A walk down memory lane many times evokes the beauty that once was.
Wonderful stanza that shows the reader what once was ...

And our moments are pierced
behind an empty frame.
Embracing sweet history
surviving as the queen of rain.
^^^
This is my favorite stanza.
Such a unique word (pierced) that you wove into this stanza.
Gives me a visual of forgone days that now have a deep dark hole penetrating their existence.

Nice read Nana, thanks for sharing

When your smile drenched
my dim days with sunshine drips.
How long I danced and twirled
to the enchanting tunes of your
heart beats!

:) I loved this part, I could connect to it and see it in front of me.

For some life is a straight an narrow line, for us it is a curved path, filled with highs and lows, a price we pay for being emotional people, Nana..but it makes for beautiful poetry;)

Well done sweetie

5/5 Ingrid

For now the hugs I recall
are too cold.
And the words I try to reach
are lost between the shades
of gray

^ Such sadness here, at least for me. I think many of us have found ourselves here, lost warmth and muddled words.

When your smile drenched
my dim days with sunshine drips.
How long I danced and twirled
to the enchanting tunes of your
heart beats!

^Not sure if you need the word drips, but could just be me. I really like the remembrance of this stanza though, it brought me back to my own troubles and thoughts.

i thought you did really nice job with the evolution of the piece. A very good read. Nice work.

Hello

Do you remember illuminating my
dark nights with love sparkling in your eyes?
^
Great start using a question to becon the reader on. The description of sparkling eyes really conjurs up the zest of excitment.

How my heart leaped for
the delicacy of your sweet words?
^
Another question or is it more of a statement? If the latter then maybe trailing off would leave the reading with that thought...

When your smile drenched
my dim days with sunshine drips.
How long I danced and twirled
to the enchanting tunes of your
heart beats!
^
Perhaps dim day could be substituted with days of dispair, or my darkened day with your sun so bright/light
..enchanting tune of your beating heart. Maybe?

My mornings started
at the depth of your voice,
^ I love this it really paints a picture of deep emotion for me.

and ended with the warmth
of your protective arms.
^
I like this too, however I like the word enveloping - just a thought?

My years grew learning
how to devote each breath
I inhale for you..
^
I know what you mean hear, however it may sound different this way...
Years passed and I learned
how to devote each breath.
*leave this space - kinda like a pause for thought*
I breathe for you...

For now the hugs I recall
are too cold.
And the words I try to reach
are lost between the shades
of gray
^
I love the last part being lost in dispair, trapped even?
The first line - a suggestion -
Now the memories of those arms
are bitterly cold.
and are lost...

And our moments are pierced
behind an empty frame.
^
A picture tells a thousand words. Happy faces, but a mask shielding a certain heart ache.

Embracing sweet history
surviving as the queen of rain.
^
So many tears. A good way of describing the amount of grief.

For I'm doomed to fall everywhere
you ever passed by;
^
Again this creates a sad picture that the acute pain is triggered from moments shared.

remembering that your wells
are too rich to care.
^
Water well? This sounds like the grief is one way. This is sad.

A piece full of emotion and imagery to compound its message.

Well done

Michael

I really liked this poem a lot and I think it was because of the message this poem carried. Some parts of this poem I could relate to myself and all the beautiful sorrow you had in this poem was heartbreaking. Also once again this poem like a lot of your poem show the depth in which you can get to. I even tried picking out a stanza that I liked the most but found that to be near impossible. Also the flow was really good and I liked the simplicity of it all together. There were also parts of the poem that had great imagery, which I really liked as it painted a picture of suffering as the reader read the lines dripping with sadness and pain. Over all you did a wonderful job with this poem and I found the message to be very good and also the emotions to be heart rending. Great job and keep writing.

Oh gawd nana! This was an absolutely STUNNING write. So powerful, so beautiful, so sad, so amazing. Your first two lines already blew me away, and you continued blowing me away with the rest of it. The imagery was there and strong, and i love some of your word choices. Great write my love!

My mornings started
at the depth of your voice,
and ended with the warmth
of your protective arms

I find this stanza so dear and sentimental, to wake up to the voice of a loved one and to remain in their arms..liked the image here!

And our moments are pierced
behind an empty frame.
Embracing sweet history
surviving as the queen of rain.

"piereced behind an empty frame"...this line speaks loud of the separation and I liked how you have described sadness and crying.."queen of rain." Beautifully sad..

Well i like this poem...it has great form:D

This is a very unique poem with the depth that is breaking new ground, where the days are like sunshine drips and the rhythm of a heart is in tune with the cycles of your life.Anyway that is how it moves me today