Painted On Smile . *very old*

I find it really sad that I can't get you out of my mind even after all this time. I find myself staring at your pictures, and reading your page over and over again.��� 

I'm not sure why.. Maybe I just keep hoping I'll see my name somewhere. I keep wishing that maybe I'll stumble upon a part about me; about us. You confessing your love for me.. We both know that will [never] happen. But I still keep wishing..

I've never gotten hurt so bad by someone before. It's left me breathless, almost lifeless sometimes. The tears I cry for you seem to be endless. I wish all these feelings I have for you would just somehow disapear into thin air. I'm pretty sure I'm not gunna get that lucky though.

I keep telling myself to be happy; to move on. We all know that you have. I should be happy for you right? Maybe I'm just to selfish.. Cuz it's hard for me to be happy for you. Thinking about you; with her. It's like a stab to the heart repeatedly. Sometimes I have curl up into a little ball because I feel like I need to hold myself together; it's like I'm falling apart.

I'm so glad that I moved.. That I left that town. Cuz seeing how much this is killing me, just knowing that y'all are dating. I know I couldn't handle having to see you with her in the hallways everyday at school. I'd really lose it then. I'm doing pretty good to hold myself together now as it is.

What would happen if you could see me now? If you knew what you were actually doing to me? I honestly don't think you would even care.. Or even waste your time looking my way. That's all I ever was to you.. A waste of time: a mistake.��� 

I need to move on.. I need to free myself of you. I haven't figured out how yet though. So I'm just stuck here.. Painting a fake smile on my face everyday for the people who love me and can't stand to see me hurt. If only they knew.. If only they saw what happens as soon as the lights go out and I'm alone. I fall to pieces.. The tears show.. And that pretty painted on smile; Is smeared away.