Comments : December Rain (Tanka)

  • 8 years ago

    by End Of Eternity

    So much of emotions captured and expressed with such few words, very beautifully written dear.

    First line itself struck so powerfully
    "Endless betrayal"

    Great write indeed

    all the best and take care

  • 8 years ago

    by Sylvia

    Reading this actually made me cold, from the description of December rain. That is how betrayal feels, cold to the very bones in your body and it is especially bad if we let it happen over and over. Well done.

  • 8 years ago

    by Jad

    A wonderful write and I am so glad that you took part in my contest and you really did a splendid job though you didn't win. The images come crystal clear in my head as I read this and your words are carefully placed and bring out their maximum potential in this poem.

    All in all, I really like how you describe the scene and got a picture out in so few words. People may say this form is easy but I would like them to try and write one with so powerful a picture as you did. :] Great job and keep writing.

  • 8 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    THe title alone sets the scene and mood & the
    poem itself gave such a vivd and cold sad feeling..nicely done :)

  • 8 years ago

    by Sungrl And Mrs Whatsit

    Very effective...
    **************************

    ps.....This piece..however different it is in the final analysis, reminded me of the following:

    Shakespeare: Sonnet 97

    How like a winter hath my absence been
    From thee, the pleasure of the fleeting year!
    What freezings have I felt, what dark days seen!
    What old December's bareness every where!
    And yet this time removed was summer's time,
    The teeming autumn, big with rich increase,
    Bearing the wanton burden of the prime,
    Like widow'd wombs after their lords' decease:
    Yet this abundant issue seem'd to me
    But hope of orphans and unfather'd fruit;
    For summer and his pleasures wait on thee,
    And, thou away, the very birds are mute;
    Or, if they sing, 'tis with so dull a cheer
    That leaves look pale, dreading the winter's near.

    one could easily do less than remind someone of Shakespaere...huh?
    '-)

  • 8 years ago

    by debbylyn

    Great imagery...how the cold hearted can rain into our soul...nicely done on the form!

  • 8 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Shouldn't "pleasures" be "pleasure's"? Just wondering.

    I loved the depth of this tanka, it was beautiful and haunting at the same time. The idea of December rain and betrayal ties mystically together.

    God bless you Cindy and keep writing please!

  • 8 years ago

    by anand singh

    Whatever the style or form, you have a way of expressing them beautifully in your waesome writes.
    In this short piece you've described betrayal quite vividly.
    Take care my friend.
    Paul...

  • 8 years ago

    by anand singh

    Whatever the style or form, you have a way of expressing them beautifully in your waesome writes.
    In this short piece you've described betrayal quite vividly.
    Take care my friend.
    Paul...