Already Gone

I love this. I can relate to it. Wonderful job.

The rhymes of this are really good :)

First thing I'm going to say is this isn't going to be a one line comment telling you how good the poem is. I don't mean to offend, just give constructive critism to improve your writing, that being said you can choose whether to continue reading the comment or not.

The first thing I noticed in the poem was that there were a lot of mispelled or incorrect words that are words, so spell check doesn't catch them, but they are not the right word. This affects the flow of the poem and how smothly it reads. Second line should be feel not fell. When you say "I already dead" it should be I'm. And the other major one I noticed was loosing when it should be losing, as well as no longer pained instead of not.I sould also recommend using punctuation like apostophes when you use can't or won't ect. As well as commas. There were a few lines that I felt would of been better if they were broken into two lines or if you simply added a comma to put a pause between the two thoughts such as "try and stop me I'm already numb" feels like it needs a pause between me and I'm which is an easy fix by just adding a comma or breaking the line into two. "The life of me" sounds a bit awkward, I felt it could of been better phrased using the word in me. I thought the line "the lost soul I've become to be" was also awkward and could be better phrased as begun or started to be. I grant that these corrections so far are all on the technical not on actual poetry, but they drastically improve the piece in how it appears and how it reads.

As for the actual piece I felt some of the lines were a little wordy, they could of been phrased slightly differently to not be such a mouthful, I felt the rhyming was done very well, none of the rhymes were forced. The overall write though I felt has been put similarly by many people who go through pain, I realize that this was possibly inspired by something. That actually happened, but i'd like to encourage you to expand your creativity. I'd like to see what makes you stand out personally and what makes you different from every other poet. Try to create a new way of describing a pain most people have felt at some point in their life, try to draw the reader in so they really understand what you're talking about. I felt the poem was a good start but I feel it could be a lot better if it was edited and revisited.

Its very dark and sad poem full of emotions.... good work

No its not