The Spiral Staircase

by Olivia   Oct 20, 2011


Twisting and turning in the darkness as I move and follow the arches

I feel like Alice in the rabbit hole, with shapes and figures, I hold the loaded gun as it triggers

The fear of being alone on this desperate journey down the stairs, I hear the spirits whispering chant enticing me to take the chance, frightened they shall prance

The steel is cold against me, as the gun becomes my enemy, every step I take, how I anticipate

The hollowing echo of my cry, the creaking sound as I take a stride

Both gun and stairs are hard to take; the devil is waiting for me to break

I know there is an end, which one do I choose.The unknowing stairs with walls that feel as cold as lead, or the gun that is placed beside my head?

Strange as it may seem, each person to their own, don't judge me

HAVE YOU EVER FELT ALONE!

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Latest Comments

  • 14 years ago

    by Larry Chamberlin

    Hi, Olivia

    Not sure if you read my comment on your other poem. Your work is good, but the symbols distract greatly. The easiest way to change them is to scroll to the upper right part of the page and click on the tab on that says 'your poems.' Your poems are then listed with three links below each; click on the 'edit' link. This allows you to delete the symbols, such as â�Â| and replace them with whatever you meant to be there. The site cannot depict many international codes, such as ¿ or the copyright sign. They come out, as you see with additional symbols in front of them.

    As to the structure of your poem: you sometimes have an internal rhyme, such as figures & triggers, and lead & head. You might improve the poem by setting the stanzas in similar lengths and incorporate the scheme throughout, or by dispensing with it entirely. Partially rhyming works tend to interrupt the flow because the reader begins to look for them in places they do not occur. Your substance is terrific, although you might flesh out the action of moving the gun from defending you from the unknown to threatening you by your own hand. I find this image to be the most chilling and powerful in the work. I take it as the angst building up so greatly that it seems almost preferable to end it rather than endure.

    Personally, I believe moments like this are what create us; persevering in the face of great fear establishes a base so strong that few further experiences could knock you over.

    Good work. Don't forget the main forums, you can meet many people there your age and with similar interests.

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