I think this poem is a masterpiece and amazing it was nice workin with u 5/5 :)
8 years ago
I swear it doesn't look like a collab, that means it's perfectly written. Each stanza flowed in sync with the other, and I like how you incorporated the idea of time being the 4th dimension, and all the suspicion.. I can hear the clocks tickling. Great job.
8 years ago
Yeah, it doesn't seem like a collab. I can't distinguish who wrote which part. Well done.
Time is precious
so much to do
so little time,
in this left over lifetime
The opening stanza is quite powerful in itself as it opens up a lot of questions - it did for me. It made me want to read more!
I love how you used the analogy of the sun setting with dying - making it sound so beautiful and peaceful.
Time is the 4th dimension
my presence in it, a reality
my past, an illusion
my future, a delusion
My favourite stanza - loved how you used words like delusion and illusion and reality all in one go to describe the stages of your life
So much to share, but does an angel care?
Would you even come to my rescue
when my heart is ready to stop,
starved of love, not lust
will you deprive me of the breath of life?
Eeven though you're talking about death - the use of the word Angel can be taken as Angelic or as a woman - lover. I took it as the lover perspective - I love how it can mean both.
I quite enjoyed this poem and think you both did a wonderful job