So my thoughts are constantly ransacking my brain.
I think, I may be going insane.
The innocence and hypocrisy of my destiny leaves me restless.
Maybe this is the reason why I don't deserve the happiness I always think of.
How hard is to find someone who will love me for who I am?
Must I bend myself all the way backwards in order to be accepted?
Must I bend until I twist and distort?
Will that be the only way I may be seen as a valuable prize?...
To gain the heart of those whom to my eyes are as valuable and as intricate as a piece of art.
Yet, as much as I want to find that one person who sees my faults and still accepts them,
I keep pushing away.
I keep saying the wrong things.
But how should I stop the thoughts that constantly blurt through my mouth?
I laugh it off and try not to care,
And still...
Time is ticking and here I sit.
Contemplating the many reasons why I may not be good enough for this so called game of love.
I feel that I am missing out on something that every one is doing.
I feel the constant need to reassure myself that I don't need that warmth I've never had.
Yet I feel cold, so very cold, and alone...
With my confusing and irritating thoughts feeding to a yearning that I may be missing something...
I tried to kiss you and make myself believe you where as special as nothing in particular.
I tried to tell you that your smart words where the ones that scared me.
Smart words are the only ones that keep me running.
To me there is always intention from every known motive.
To me the sky and stars that coat this so called earth seem fake.
With every thought, I came to the conclusion;
That I should be following something that every one seems to follow..
Yet to me it makes no sense.
The delicate contortions of the lies I tell are all for effect...
Nothing is made and I am only left with this yearning, confusion and the need to do what every one else seems to do so easily without question nor hesitation...
If you ask me I think is the simple minded conclusion of bullshit.
