A Fairy Tale

(this is extremely too long.i don't think anyone will read the whole of this poem or my story,I wish anyone would. .i tried my best to summarize this, but it was so hard to deal with my feelings..and here my story goes...

***A Fairy Tale***

I want to throw you away
Cause, you are not the one for me.
They say.
but anyway...
How did you steal my heart away?
I'm just surprised; really you don't fit for me.
But why do I feel I want you this badly?
Have I gone insane?
You are really a disease
SHIT!!! This is really impossible and surprising
You thief...!!
I want to hate you!
Give my heart back
You will be cursed if you won't give my heart back to me
But ... "still haven't seen anything that amazes me quite like you do"
Cause "you're amazing...just the way you are"
LOL ;)

(PART I)
I AM MAD
You are so unkind that you have hid him somewhere
The old "YOU"...do you remember that one?
O' let him come back!
And come back...
Listen to my heartbeat and tell me what it says.
Am I in love with you? Please tell me; even I myself do not know that.
Or please tell me, have you ever loved me?
IDIOT!
You've made me what I am today.
I am still wondering, and recalling the past to find an answer for this strange quiz
How dared and filthy you were, to make me fall for you?
I don't know whether you are now taking some kind of revenge from me...

(FACEBOOK-all these are on the account of you :/)

We met by chance and became closer by preference
I felt you had a special interest to listen to me
And you seemed so impatient to know my way
You were trying to be the victor in my heart
The time we spent chatting was really made me happy
I felt you so close to me whenever you were there online
And I saw there no one, but you
Even though we kept in touch to some extent
I felt you kind of needed me more than that
You said you would miss me when I said I was going offline
And you asked me to stay even for a little while for you
Though the midnight had been calculating the time,
I too felt the same; I never wanted to leave you
I wished I could chat with you until next day
But I never let you know I felt so
And finally
You made the story begin
You got my number ;)
And that was after a big struggle; I knew ;)
I studied your every single word
You were shy and were in doubts
However you won
And you started the spell
I was just dragged by you and imprisoned in your world
And I knew you too were kind of lost inside me
You were so impatient
You've said that I've made you wicked and wild at times
You warned me not to come any closer; you could make me bad :O ;) :D
I was # one to you, and you said you could catch grenade for me... (LOL)
You were so strange at times that you showed you were so emotive and arousing
And told me I was kind of driving you crazy
But I never thought of making you so
I didn't want to make your feelings go through
Because I was scared to make you fall for me and draw you closer to my heart
I didn't know why.
And when I was going to leave the topic and tried to make you neutral, you didn't like that at all
So you scolded me saying, "You are cruel, that's not fair"
You wanted to continue with it
What did you want me to tell you?
I knew; you expected something from me.
But if you asked it straightaway from me then, my answer would surely be "NO"
I had no idea why "no" would have been my answer...

I really wanted you.
And want you STILL
But there's something unexplained in my mind.
God knows what it is. It has built up barriers between my heart and my feelings.
Though there's a bridge to connect me to your heart
The way is not that easy; it's very difficult to me to cross that bridge to come to you as I feel
Why?
I don't have the answer.
So how can I help with it?
I have no idea.
You should forgive me for that's what makes me weak
And is stealing my strength
It never lets the feeling I have on you to run through or even to fade away
It moves through my blood so madly
I'm just messed up and lost inside the feelings of yours and mine
But I know my heart, and I can hear it says that it needs you very much
That is why it beats hard when I remember you and even your name

But I can't explain these to you
And you are nervous
You don't understand my self
I know you've had an investigation on me
And because I hid my real feelings,
You just assumed what my answer would be if you asked me whether I liked you
You thought I would refuse you right?
And you would have hurt.
So you decided to turn the mess fall upon me
(But the truth is I really like you though I am not strong enough to tell you "yes")
And as I never expected
You just started another trial
That I hate the most!
Changing yourself time to time
Like you wanted me to know you were second to none
The reason I don't exactly know
That might because you misunderstood me
You thought I would never ever make any attention to your feelings;
And your attempts would go in vain
You just thought; but that was not the truth
You didn't know that and still not knowing
And you know? You've broken my heart.
You started to appear and disappear in my life, like hide and seek
Why were you doing that; to hurt me?
Whatever...you did that well!
I was hurt more than you wanted me to be hurt
That was all because of my own weakness
But I hope you remember
I always tried to be someone good for you, isn't it?
Even now,
I trust you and care about you very much, because you are really a good guy,
And my sweet friend,
Who taught me to be COWL (cool) whatever the situation was
You've made of truth, I really love that way
You are so dear and tender to me at times
That's why I always try to keep in touch with you
But how can I stand this changes you're doing at times?
I never thought you would disappoint me like this.
You are trying to mess me up now...
Oh then why you tried to hold me close at the beginning?
Why are you behaving like this now?
Did I break your heart or what's wrong?
You might have thought, and have said, I was kind of different
But you loved that way right?
And now, what do you think I am?
I feel like you've got me wrong
Do you think that I do not understand anything?
And all the things on earth are jokes to me?
Or do you think that I'm getting you as a joke?
Never!
I am very deep and my heart's having a very big space for you.
You never knew that my heart has wept in the name of you.
But the fault is at me. I myself made you get the wrong impression on me
Oh how arrogant I was?
Once I blamed you that you were swollen headed
But now I feel I am the one who was so
I laughed at your thoughts and refused them sometimes
As to show you my modesty and vanity
And I still remember the way I lied you
When you asked me "shall we meet?"
I left it out
I was shy and scared
You shouted at me not to lie like that
"...If you don't like to meet me; you should have told me that frankly..."
You seemed so angry
I knew you were hurt very much
And for that; I'm really sorry!!!

My mind is kind of controlling my feelings unruly
It prevents me from falling for guys
That's really good for me but bad more that.
And now... you've reinforced yourself from falling for me right?
Sometimes, you are like showing, you don't care me anymore
I feel that.
However
If you do not belong with me
May god bless you...just leave...
But please give my heart back to me before you go
You've stolen it
Help me to forget you if you don't need me

O' but how can I?
Every time I try to make up my mind letting the memories of you die out, my heart stops me
Like my heart's having a battle with my own mind, to win YOU
You are occupied my every single feeling
See...how bad is the way I've gone insane
You never knew, you were someone very special to me
And still it's the same
Do I love you?
May be...

(He thinks he's so special) ;)
Yeah, that was about you.
But yet I don't understand why, how hard I try, how you've become that special to me
Even I don't know how you've made yourself my hero
Are you a wizard or someone?
You were like a magical charm, made my heart so melted
You loved what I loved, and I loved what you loved
I could feel the impatience you had to hang on with me
When I kept myself silent, you worried
Like a child, you scolded me and said you felt so down
You never let me leave you even for a while,
You just pulled me to you whenever I was out of the track
You always wanted to be in contact with me
And you never gave up until I get you
You were the one who struggled to get a message or even a missed call from me at the beginning.
You never stopped ringing me until I send you a message telling you what I was doing.
And you made yourself cold when I tried to make wider the distance between me and you
You blamed me that I've changed
You made me feel your pain
Really you were kind of weakened by me
You felt me strongly
And something inexplicable ran through us
But both of us hid that feeling from each other
For some reason
But you never told me directly, why you were feeling that way,
May be because you appeared to me as invincible,
You just struggled to express your self without a straight word
Like, that was all up to me to understand
And though I realized that, I stayed unshakable
Because I was someone who tried to be self-controlled
I prevented from expressing myself; but I had already fallen for you
But I had no idea what to do or what to say
There was something I could not explain
Your are not that smart to attract me, but so cute
But that's of course not the reason I fell for you
And that's the thing I continuously say I can't point out...
I guess,
That was all your words, your way and YOU; drew me closer to you
And I know you too have felt the same what I'm feeling
But now
Once in a while you stay like you know nothing
Not like before, you stay unshakable before me...
You've made yourself strong
And that makes me really mad
So I find no reason I'm feeling this way

(PART II...Begins)
Is this the situation I made you worried and uneasy at the beginning?
And now you want me to feel the same?
Are you taking revenge from me?
Still you are playing with me
Or checking me with different trials
What does this mean?
"I and my book say;
Open you mouth...
Speak with your heart...
And you can see my soul...
I'm waiting...
Press your lips against mine...
And try to catch me...
I'm falling"
What do you want me to understand?
And what is the test you told you were going to have on me?
And when I say I am not a thing to be tested,
You say, and then you will have it on someone else and wink
As to stir me up
Sometimes you may be checking me, to know whether I want you
So you're taking advantages of me, by cracking my heart
To make me know you are demanded
And to make me try you
You've got my role now
You manners are at times really awkward
Very deep indeed
You want me to understand them
But I'm lost in them
Can't find the way out
Sometimes you act like you're leaving
And sneaking a look again
And coming back shortly before I hate you
The game is almost at your side now
And you're playing boldly
You break my heart
And win it again in a while
You do this over and over again; never fail
Thus I can never hate you
You're so clever you can drive me as you want
As I did at the beginning
You're pricking my heart time to time
You never let me go even
You just hold me tightly to you
That I cannot move a step out
Like I am a prisoner in your heart
But whenever I try to know you
You just act different
Making my attempt so complicated.
I know
You don't want me to forget you
You want to hold me in your arms
Your feelings sometimes, try to go through without making you know
You become so melted and warm
Like you're about to say "I love you"
But when the fire's turning on in you,
You take the turn; before I find out I am a secret in your heart
And you stay like you struggled for nothing
And that's your ART
You're scared of something, even you don't know that.
You want me the same way I want you
That you have fastened my heart to yours
Never to be detached
And even my authority to try
You've just denied
But you hide yourself from me
That's surprising...
Why you do so?
I cannot understand
You are hurting me
Like you never leave me or love me
What are you actually doing?
Your words have built up doubts in me
What's your target?
What do you want from me?
What do you want me to be?
Do you want me to love you?
Or do you want me to know that you love me?
If not, you're trying to play fool with my feelings?
Or else, you're going to leave me out of the blue?
Remember!
What you are doing is not that brave.
That's Pitiless!!!
I know, you felt bad, being just a friend I've made you somewhat emotive and you were driven crazy
But like you're doing now, I did not try to madden you right?
You want to make me love you and quit without a goodbye
But I know someday you will want me in the right way
I feel that...
I will then tell you how much I worried because of you
And how you made me feel so down
I want you to feel the same I feel today
I wait till that day comes my way
Sometimes, as you always say, you will be too late
But, I never wish for that
I want the right thing, in the right time
To be happened
So, you will be normal, I know
Till that day comes, May the blessings be upon you
And may you understand the reality
Then only you will know
What you really mean to me and
What you have made me to be.
"Open you mouth...
Speak with your heart...
And you can see my soul...
I'm waiting...
Press your lips against mine...
And try to catch me...
I'm falling"
....I'm so scared to say I love you...cause, I can't lose you My sweet friend.. :'(
God! Don't let my heart feel the weary hours
Please let me have what my heart wants
And forgive me!