I'll leave me be

It took me long enough to sink into my skin and leave all my cagey ideas of living behind.

It took me long enough to look you into the eyes and admit that I missed the idea I had about you from the first stare on

I miss it everyday, the fantasy curved path i created in my head that leads me back to glimpses and glances of all that could be.

I miss missing you.
It became a second nature: not having you.
Why do we need to sacrifice our certainties in order to be declared independent, we never were.

Living within an idea is bad enough, living within an idea that will never match reality is insanity, so I elusively am, in between you and my idea of us, my idea of two people, figuring out what to do with gaps and unintended clumsiness.

i leave me be, in between you an my idea of us.