If she could do one thing for herself.

If she could do one thing for herself it would be the unthinkable.
Constant expectation and pressure. Always living in her own shadow. Knowing so much. But still knowing so little. The darkness that is always invading her heart and soul. The dream of happiness that she thrust upon herself. The reality of the brightest light being dimmed and than one day fading due to life's cruelty and anguish. The optimist's faith being destroyed by the same things that initially had given faith. Silent screams and cries that will never be heard. But when noticed it's to late. So much too offer
to the world. But yet the world offers nothing in return. Such a devastation would blind the eyes of so many. But it would not be a spontaneous blindness. They've been blind all along. They always look but never see. The empty barrel makes the most noise. But they couldn't hear the sound. Or maybe there is no blindness or deaf. Could it be possible that they hear and see. Something so gentle and precious spiraling out of control. But invest way to much
in her to believe her demise possible. But this being. This
fragile being. Has a heart as large as the biggest and most
nurturing mother lion. And with this heart she loves. Whole
heatedly. But never looking for anything but the same feelings returned. But who could possibly return such vast amounts of love. Forced to live each day as if everything is well. But not forced my anything or anyone. Forced by herself. Forced by the belief that it's not OK for her not to be OK. Forced not to take a second for herself because if she does that very second everything will spiral out if control. Or maybe the fear that once these polluted feeling
enter her heart. They will never leave. A fear of being
compromised. A fear of being lost and never found. But how can one have fear of being lost when they already are. Maybe she isn't a stranger to herself but to the world. Maybe she waits for someone to find her and save her from herself. She knows herself very well indeed. But what no one else knows of is the constant struggle. The endless struggle between the heart and mind. The mind says it's unwise to care for the world the way she does. The struggle is that the heart knows this. But how do you change your heart and the way you feel. You don't. The heart tells the mind to except it and move on but the mind cannot. The mind is always moving and never at
ease because when the mind believes what the heart tells. The mind lends itself to believe things that people aren't capable of. The heart desires but the mind... The mind expects. Then when these expectations aren't met. Both the mind and heart are disheveled. Then comes the time to be overwhelmed with emotion and
rebuild. But you see for this gentle creature that period never comes. The idea is to keep moving and never let anything catch up. But what happens when the day comes. That these emotions these feelings finally catch her. At first they invade her being and destroy her hope and faith. Two of the three things she is built upon. Next her soul becomes prisoner to the foreign invaders. At
that time the little things are diminished. The smile that could light up the darkest room is stolen and no longer holds a place in the world. Finally these harbored feelings and emotions make there way to her core. To her heart. The strongest principle in which she is built upon. Always loving, is no more. Now there is nothing but haunted memories left from a time when at least for a time she was
happy or better yet content. This precious person never knew happiness for herself. But she knew it for so many others. When there's nothing left for her... What does she do...
If I could do one thing for myself it would be the unthinkable.