I want to die

I can't bear the hurt, I can't stand the pain
A feeling of sadness I can't explain.
This is a life in which I walk alone
shattered and broken
Always angry for no reason at all
Constantly wanting to end my pain
Fighting with myself again, and again,
Nothing I do can make her proud
There's no silver lining on her clouds
I'm a rainstorm filled with dark black skies
And a haunting rainfall full of lies
I only wish I could make her see
I'm trying hard so I can be
Someone she that can trust and love
Instead she tells me I'm not good enough
Everything I do is a wrong decision
She constantly tells me I'm not living
The path that she truly wishes I'd take
But she doesn't understand I'm just one big mistake
If I could I'd erase myself from here
I wouldn't have to live this fear
I want to be skinny
And always happy, fun, and pretty
Instead I look at myself in the mirror
Disappointed in the reflection that appears
It's hard to live when you don't love who you are
Wishing that you could change it all
Every day I make a mental note
How much would I actually be missed, if I decide to go
And how much more I can take before I fall over the edge
How much longer can I last?
Before my life becomes one of the past.
when the blade slices deep across my skin all the pain and all my thoughts and worrys slip away everything is calm and i feel at peace when i see the blood i feel free and when the cuts start to heal it makes me hopeful that i will someday heal it feels so much better to feel at ease everything just seems to go blank and my head starts to clear and at times i completly fade out and then im at full ease but its a complicated task to pull off unless i go deep the only way i can truly be free is to take the leap and end whats left of me