A Daily Struggle (Bulimia)

White, crystal clear heavy lines of MD
Up the nostril of a little girl, only 17
To stop her ravenous appetite, hopefully
Fighting so hard just to become skinny
Only a baby, a little chubby maybe
But nowhere near fat as any normal eye can see
Anxious thoughts in her mind, never setting her free
Her mind tries to blot out the next binging spree

My eyes look down at the bowl and it's not hard to see
The damage I'm inflicting on myself
I need help desperately
As I starve and I eat and I vomit after treats
As the guilt mounts at the upcoming fatality
Still I purge and count every single calorie
No-one understands this battle, no one can see
The cold-hearted monster that lurks inside of me
Forcing me to stop digesting, weakening me

I never intended it to be this way
Now I make myself sick every single day
And my teeth and my organs will begin to decay
Is the pursuit to be thin really worth all this pain?
The mental torture constantly infecting my brain
As I ponder the impact of each day's weight gain
And the growing frustration as my weight stays the same
Because the willpower not to eat is my biggest shame

I want to tell somebody about my woes
But how could I let my poor mother know?
Where the remnants of her home-made pie will go
Flushed away. Spurred on by two fingers down the throat

My twin sister, half the size, can sit and gloat
In fights she sometimes calls me fat as a joke
But she has no idea that the fun she pokes
Bury cruelly under the surface, rivers of tears I choke
In envy at her slim and slender frame
Of which I have too little confidence or willpower to gain
And I can't break this cycle because I'm too ashamed
And disgusted that my body is being slain
By the very person that carries its name
It begins with a 'C' and that's all I want to do
See a shining light that will guide my through
This mental illness. I need help to stop me spew
And to give me the courage to tell Mr Bulimia to

Get the hell out of my body, it's all I ask of you.