Lish

LOVED IT!!!

The rhyming just flowed so well and it was flawless. I love the images in this poem. I love the whole picking petals off the roses for how many lover she's betrayed.

You are one talented poet!!!

x

"She sat alone, picking petals off of her roses
for every lover she betrayed
she sat and smirked and laughed out loud at it decomposes
the petals withering and frayed
the candle burns a sweet aroma, the fragrance of deathly hurt
the shadows traced and dancing on her walls
reminds her of every bridge she burnt
and with a hint of sarcasm, she lets out a cry for what recalls"

^This has wonderful imagery. I can just see her sitting there cackling as she picks each petal and watching it decompose. And the scent of deathly hurt, I'm not sure what that would smell like, I'd say not pleasant lol... but it gives this piece a dark edge, I love it. I can see the shadows dancing upon the wall. Great stuff so far.

"she walked alone, taking pictures of the days
to remember the sudden changes she could overlook
timeless and twisted in her ways
the collection of all the hearts she took
she kept them in cases and jars
to keep her company in the night
she drank from them like poisonous cigars
and blood pouring down her chin with delight"

^She took pictures for her keepsakes, so she could reminisce on each one of her lovers. She kept their hearts in jars so she wouldn't be lonely... that's creepy especially with her drinking the blood from them. I like it, it's dark and disturbing. I can just see the blood dripping down her chin with her smiling.. I'm going to have nightmares tonight, lol.

" the eerie candle flame, sets the solitary mood
a black flame, a most enchanted evil one
for there was where the very devil stood
who liked to break hearts just for fun
unlike any myth or story in a book
much more evil than any tale
her eyes were that of a saddened look
her body petite and seemingly frail
but looks can be deceiving
as this devil knew
and this abominations she's conceiving
were blacker than any known shade or hue"

^i think the black flame symbolizes her heart. dangerous things can come in small, ordinary packages...you definitely captured that here.

"her creature like face
with eyes of emerald black
her fangs dripped of blood in case
she's quick to stab you in the back
her face so gentle, with freckles here and there
her mouth so rosy and pink, and skin so pale and fair"

^Oh, she's a vampire! I like... :) When I read the line with black eyes, I was like she's a demon, then I seen the fangs...explains the blood. She's beautiful and innocent looking but that's farther from the truth.

I love this piece, I think I'll add it to my favorites!