Her eyes

by The Po whet   Oct 9, 2012


Today I saw her again,
her beauty added perfection
to the wonder of the rising sun,
then...
as our eyes locked in stares
hers whispered of her affections,
...I was lost in her thoughts
and her in mine.

    report violation
3


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Latest Comments

  • 2 years ago

    by Grace Muthoni

    ????????????

  • 9 years ago

    by The Po whet

    Thanks Em

  • 9 years ago

    by Em

    Short, sweet and to the point.

    Oh to be here right now haha

  • 9 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Hello again,

    Another beautifully crafted little love poem from you. These are the kind of poems a reader just gets lifted up on and carried along gently for a short period of time and for those short seconds, life feels calmer somehow!
    Sorry, I'm rambling......
    My only suggestion for this piece would be to maybe lose one of the 'eyes' in lines 5 and 6 as it sounds a bit repetitive. What about this:
    "....as our eyes locked in stares,
    hers whispered of her affections"

    Entirely up to you and either way, this is lovely.
    All the very best
    Ben

    • 9 years ago

      by The Po whet

      Thanks Ben for your comment and actually, before I read your comments I coincidentally read through the poem and thought maybe I shouldn't have repeated "eye",I think your suggestion will work perfectly. Thanks for the help.

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