Home

You all say home but theres no meaning of that for me. its a mystery that i have failed to explain. you all say home is where family is. i have yet to see my family in decades. my only home seems to be when im alone. there is no judgement, no hate, no separation of me and who i strive to become. i know who i am, and what to do to bring me joy. you say everyone has a home where they are loved, accepted, and respected. yet you are wrong. there is no such thing as home for me but when im alone. I've learned many things time and time again. but i have yet to learn what a real home feels like. perhaps that still lies my problem. i must learn to feel. but yet every time i feel whether it be for a person, a thing, or a friend. they all leave when i show my true colors. could that be what my true destiny. laying cold with no feeling left to me. you say home is with safety. safety has never shown its face in my world and i believe it never shall as long i still breath, walk, stand or fall. at times i believe there may be a god. then the devil shows they still follow me where ever i may be. home is nothing to me, no love, no security. i am nothing but a piece of meat waiting to be fed upon by all who wish todo so. i try and make a true home yet it fails daily. there are always new rules to the games you all play. there is no true home for me and may never be. perhaps i dont deserve one. Ive failed you all. i may not deserve sanity or certainly sincerity of any kind. i am not worthy of any sense of home. you all deserve a life without pain. or perhaps i was to concerned about others, praying to keep all of them safe and happy. that all have forgotten about me. yet i accept that. i wish for you all to be happy even if it may be at my expense. there still may lay no home for me, yet i take comfort as i suffer, that there still lies a home for you all