Comments : A moment I wish to live...

  • 6 years ago

    by xXx Eternal PainxXx

    I didn't whisper to you today.
    But that one moment
    will retrace the lost path of togetherness.
    Destined forever you are for me,
    sure I am that I'll make you mine.
    ^^^^^^
    that part made me think of happily ever afters ARE possible even though i know most aren't happily ever afters where there is a castle there to go "home" where a woman knows her man will be faithful but in this poem it makes me believe in love! :) good job my friend! :) 5/5

    Queen Ashlin

  • 6 years ago

    by Lostlove1

    I love this Amreen..very beautiful sentiment.

  • 6 years ago

    by Chelsey

    That if fate gives me a chance
    to find you once again... old and grey.
    I know my eyes would still emote the unspoken words,

    ^^ I suggest a comma after grey rather than a period. It didnt read as if that sentence ended there, but rather picked up after your next line :)

    I love the wording in this piece Amreen. It was almost old fashioned. Very beautiful, awesome message of hope and courage to find and chase after the one you love.

    Nicely penned girl. :)

  • 6 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    "I adore the second line, as I find it so relate-able. It's something we all think at some point or other, I'm sure. I was also fond of how the author states that their eyes would say what they wanted to, even though they couldn't. I'm assuming they mean 'I love you' ? What I wasn't fond of was the last two lines. It seemed somewhat cliche to me...like the poems we see so often stating how someone wants someone, loves them, will be their's etc. And that ruined it a little for me. I think had the ending been a little better worded I would have liked this much more than I did."

  • 6 years ago

    by average thoughts

    Nice flow..dear..i love poems like these.

  • 6 years ago

    by Robert Gardiner

    Nicely Done Amreen!!!

  • 6 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    A thought respires in my mind
    when I am losing you,
    that if fate gives me a chance
    to find you once again... old and grey.

    ^^TO me this opening is so tender and truthful that the reader can feel the writer's yearning heart...touching.

    I know my eyes would still emote the
    unspoken words,
    I didn't whisper to you today.

    ^^This part I like very much. What the lips cannot say the eyes always gives away. What we so much want to say we leave it with regret.

    This is a moment I'm sure all of us would want to live if we could change time....a heartfelt write.

  • 6 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    Sorry double post!

  • 6 years ago

    by PETER EDWARDS

    Beautiful, simply beautiful!

  • 6 years ago

    by Autumn Leaves

    This poem is so hopelessly romantic, the thought of finding a love we might've lost is an indescribable feeling. I love this piece, it so romantic and magical, and it filled with hope.

  • 6 years ago

    by Autumn Leaves

    This poem is so hopelessly romantic, the thought of finding a love we might've lost is an indescribable feeling. I love this piece, it so romantic and magical, and it filled with hope.

  • 6 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    This speaks of real, deep and lasting love, Amreen. The kind nothing can break apart. It reminds me of the book called "Wuthering Heights" by Emily Bronte.

    Great stuff, girl.

    Well done,

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 6 years ago

    by Darren

    Short and very sweet
    nice little write Amreen

    love the break before the final line, adds real emphasis to your point and real meaning, there is no doubting that you feel strongly that should a second chance come your way you will take it.

  • 6 years ago

    by tainted melody

    I liked this writing style, unusual and enjoyable!

  • 6 years ago

    by Kips

    I so love how you depicted your weakness in this poem. Such is the way of love, numbs your mind, cripples your thoughts, and takes you were you don't want to go. Good piece Amreen!

    Keep it up. :)

  • 6 years ago

    by Khalid

    The 1st line reveals a superior start for the story, related to respiration.
    The 3rd line represents the author's hope to find a chance as a lost person who exists without the beloved. This is so hard. This is also related to the title of the poem.
    The last line shows how confident is the author as though saying "You are mine".

    This piece is one of my favorites of yours.
    I loved it.

  • 6 years ago

    by TSI25

    The determination here is almost astounding, theres a bit of sadness yet, but its like youve made up your mind and you know who is "The One". This is a moment im sure a ot of people wish they could do over, so many of us screw it up and spend a good portion of our existance scrambling to fix it... i know a lot of other have interpretted it as romantic and happy but when i read it i see mostly my failure along similar lines and it makes me sad.

    still though, its ability to evoke that is impressive, and its still fantastically written... i can appreciate how succinct it is.

  • 6 years ago

    by Jyoti Rawat

    Wow I hope god fulfill ur wish

  • 6 years ago

    by Love Fallacy

    A little bit different than what i'm used to reading, but i liked the style. It's fun reading and writing outside your comfort zone.