On My Journey

Help me on my journey, Lord...
Been through some things...
That make my heart hurt...
Day in and day out...

I'm a grown up now...
Responsible for only for myself...
Trying to make all the right decisions (choices)...
But sometimes it feels like...
I make all the wrong ones...

I'm trying, Lord, but it's hard...
It's hard to be myself when...
I don't know who I am...
It's hard to be myself, to like myself...
When I feel so worthless inside...

I know that I should be over my past hurts...
That I should be happy with my life...
But that's not the way it is...
Most days, even though I can keep doing my routine...
Even though sometimes I'm smiling...
More often than not...
I am struggling inside...
That's just the way it is...

I don't know where to turn...
No one has time to listen...
No one is willing to listen...
Not that I have the words to tell them what's wrong...

How do you even begin to say why...
You hurt when you're not always...
Sure why you're hurting?
You can't always put into words...
the why of the pain....
You just know that you hurt...
and that you just have to let it out somehow...
Even if letting it out ends up with consequences...

Yes, I should find a positive way to let it all out...
But sometimes the urge to harm is so strong...
There are days that it is too strong to ignore....
And hard as I try...
I simply can't ignore those urges...

Help me on my journey, Lord...
Been through some things...
That I can't seem to let go...
Somebody help me, please...

Why do I do this to myself?
I want my heart to be right with the world...
I want to be normal...
I want to know that I can make it...
Is that so much to ask?

By Jessie 10/22/12