La Muerte

Wow! This is creepy as hell! You'd freak yourself out if you lived alone! Good stuff!

good grief....

Oh My goodness! What a poem. The intensity inside this is just amazing and mind-blowing.

It's glowing, red eyes pierce through my soul,
taking with it any shred of bravery left,
as I watch the beastly silhouette pace
back and forth in front of my window.

- Love the opening, I don't know how anyone could possibly read this then not continue to read on! I like how you focus on the eyes, like the shadow moving was scary enough but you had that bravery there, until the eyes pierced through you and your bravery was gone... it automatically gave power to this creature, which we do not know what it is as of yet.

It stops-- smiles at me,
with jagged teeth shining through the velvet darkness.
It's taking steps forward now-- daring me to move.
Frozen in fear, I squeeze my eyes shut,

- I really like the idea of the smile here, it is like its way of showing it knows it has control of you and it is enjoying every minute that it can make you suffer. I also like the smile because this is where I think, an animal or beast type being would not physically smile, so I then begin to imagine a person.

trying to erase the sight of hell on earth
from my memory forever... Success!
The shadowy figure is nowhere to be found;
I knew it was just a dream!

- I love the twist here, I was in so much suspense and then you show it as being just a dream, but also I was not convinced by this and so straight away thought, you were describing a dream possibly, but maybe this creature just fooled you into thinking it was gone!

So, I plop my head onto my silky pillow,
cherishing its coolness,
as relief washes over my sweaty body.
Oh, thank you, Go--

- excellent idea to have the word God uncompleted. It builds to the tension again and we just know this story isn't over. very creative well done.

What's that I hear?... Footsteps?
Suddenly, I feel rough, MASSIVE
fingers stroking my wet cheeks.
I try my best to keep my composure,

- eww, this is creepy. The idea of it stroking your cheeks, it is like it is comforting you in a really sick way because it knows it just about to eat you or something!! Very eerie stanza.

as my covers slowly slide down to my ankles,
but my facade is giving way to sheer terror.
Trying to convince myself that "It's just a dream;
it's just a dream," only works momentarily,

- I like how you still go through your thought process here so we can not only see what is happening but how you are thinking. I really like the desperation of hope here too, how you focus everything on it being a dream but in reality you know it is not, but perhaps you do not think there is another way to cope.

before my thoughts are interrupted by
the palm of a burning cold hand slithering
between my quivering thighs.
Closing my eyes doesn't work anymore.

- This stanza stood out to me, because I think (in my mind) it gave another twist to the story. I got a feeling here that this poem could relate to a rape crime of some sort. The description of the figure would fit, especially if it is an abuser who has done it before, which would also explain the confusion of if it was real this time or just a memory, and why he seems so calm and knows what he is doing.

Nothing works to wake me
from this living nightmare,
not even my insincere prayers.
This is real. This is the end.

- again, I have now stuck with this theory in my head of this being an abuser, hence the living nightmare that she suffers with everytime and this is about her emotions and giving up. It could also be the first idea of just a devil figure coming to kill her, either way works well.

The caressing stops and I finally open
my blurry eyes, several minutes later,
to find Him, El Diablo... standing over my bed--
smiling sadistically, extending his hand out to me.

- great ending, to both theories. I still feel more strongly towards this poem being about an abuser. This ending for me, shows the terror the abuse causes, and also the way closing your eyes has probably been a routine coping mechanism.

The very last line I think can have two meanings, for the first version it could be him taking you for death, taking your spirit and life. But for the second version it could be him taking much more, taking your innocence, your pride and trust and lots more, so in a way you feel like he is taking the whole of you and what and who you are.

I find this poem very chilling, very powerful and I feel quite connected to it. Well done for taking this challenge and you did not disappoint. I think the added language choice gives it more uniqueness. Well done, I am very impressed! xx

The beginning starts of with a dream vibe, like a dream is pacing back and forth in your mind...then it notices you are awake and tries to taunt you, but you shut your eyes quickly, trying to wake yourself up? or trying to go back to sleep? because dreams are better than reality, that's what I get from this so far especially with the 'hell on Earth'...but anyway, then you succeed in fighting off your demon, he has vanished.

"I knew it just a dream! "

-I think you mean "I knew it WAS just a dream!"

Also now this is making me think that all of it was a dream, you woke up sweaty and adrenaline pumping... looking for the demon to jump out only to realize it was a dream.

Sorry, I'm rambling... I just woke up a little while ago. :P

I like how you stopped mid-sentence with God... it shows that you were stopped in your tracks with fear.

Now the rest of the poem ... it really makes me think of a girl being molested in the middle of the night by someone. And to be living with these nightmares it's had to happen repeatedly for the fear to be there, that she knows it's coming, then thinks it's just a dream...and then gets caught off guard when she thinks she is safe.

No amount of thoughts could take her from this living nightmare... so I was right, that dreams would be better than reality here. :( This really tore me up, I wasn't expecting this ending.

"The caressing, stops and I finally open "

-I don't think you need a comma after caressing, it creates an uneccesary pause for the reader. Nit-pick, I know lol.

I like the use of Spanish and how you incorporated the devil/death.

The ending really bothers me, not your writing but just the overall imagery of it....like molesting her and then putting out his hand like she should trust him. I guess that's what they do though... ugh.

Nicely written dark piece!

This poem is amazing, seriously I got chills. Wow.