Dark Times

by CandyMan   Sep 26, 2013


I see the light going out of sight. My heart begins racing and shadows start chasing, my heart beats with every step as they fly at me growing more vicious, my heart plunges as there is no escape, darkness has filled the sky, has my painfull existence come to an end, they come at me with lustfull desires as i await my demise,my eyes then close with fear,tears gathering in my eyes...longing a quick death; i reopen my tearfull eyes to see nothing but light and nothing to be heard...they get closer every night

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  • 10 years ago

    by Colm

    Interesting thoughts here and it is a decent effort.
    I do think the poem is in need of some structure: try breaking it into verses rather than one long piece of prose.

    Also be careful of repitition: using 'eyes' twice for example isnt the best idea. Also ensure I gets a capital. With a few edits the poem could be more polished.

    I did like the subtle rhyme inbplaces which gave a flow to tge poem.

    Keep working at it and well done

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