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Sittin here , with a hand full of Xanax
Not fully aware about just what im bout to do next.
I know what I'd like to, but I just don't have the guts
But I can't keep on this way, this shit is makin me go nuts.
I inhale, I exhale, would it even change a thing ?
The world will keep spinning , things will go on
Just with one person missing.
And then I think , no Keara , there's somebody that cares ...
But really? I mean really ?
Maybe I'm blind , but Truly unaware.
It feels like things would be easier
Not just for me but everyone around
I got the drink , I got the drugs,
I just have to swallow them down.
But will things be solved? I don't know.
Don't know cuz I won't be here to see
So even if I did have the guts
The only who will lose will once again be me.
I ain't lookin for a pity party, don't need you to feel bad
I just know I can't go on with all this anger and continuously being sad.
Don't get me wrong I'm grateful for every thing I have ,
But the way things keep happening, I just wanna be with my dad So as I sit here with this bottle , and handful of pills
much as I want to end my pain,
I don't know if I will.
This is just a testimony,
Just how I feel inside,
I didn't choose to feel like this,
Like I'd just rather die.
But my heart is so unhappy. I keep tryin to hide my tears ,
When the hell will I get a break ?
It's already been 23 years .
Will someone care if i do it ?
Will they miss me when I'm gone ?
If I know one thing that's for sure
Their lives will sure go on.
I'm sitting here with my liquor
And my hand full of Xanax
I know i can't deal anymore
But what will I do next .