The cry

by Cynthia corrigan   Jan 7, 2014


This floor is cold like the blood my body pumps, with my fingers gouging in my eyes. And the suicidal thought brushing this freeing feeling in my mind. I wonder how is it possible to be love when I only know the hate. When will I get better. Will I get better. If I scream I wouldn't be heard like the world has blocked me out rejected me. Abandoned me. I now see said the blind.

0


Did You Like This Poem?

Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by Thomas

    I see a lack of propper punctuation and a certain grammatical typo or two. I'll give the few suggestions I can, perhaps guide you into reviving this poem, probably into a more symbolistic-ish view.

    " This floor is cold, like the blood my body pumps, with my fingers gouging in my eyes... "

    The need for the ( , ) there is quite obvious, you cry out the lack of life within you. The triple dot at the end would add a tinge of intensification of the moment.

    "And the suicidal thought, brushing this freeing feeling in my mind... " This time, the ( , ) is present to make the comment itself have more appeal. The extra dots have the same role once more.

    "I wonder, how is it possible to be in love, when I only know the hate? " Corrections added:
    ( , ) - the role of it is very much like before ;
    ( in ) - this was added, as you can't "be love", you can only "be in love" ;
    ( ? ) - Author's question, designed to intensify, put an ironic question that won't recieve an awnser, or otherwise.

    "If I scream, I wouldn't be heard, as if the world had blocked me out... Rejected me. Abandoned me...
    "I now see.. ", said the blind."

    Extra ( , )'s, amongst the replacement of "like" with "as if", as it's more appropriate; Had instead of Has; ( ... )'s added to intensify the exhasperation, the depression; "I now see.." now has the purpose of monologue, as in, the author speaking towards himself, as if someone would be picking up the message, or taking note of it; some times, a higher power, such as a divinity could partake in this, but most of the times it could simply be the readers.

    Do this, and in my opinion, the poem will look much better.

More Poems By Cynthia corrigan