Yaki..please don't every give up writing because you have not reached your potential as yet...I've watched you grow over the years and...I have cringed sometimes I will admit but you have something special within your soul and..it will last when the others have dried up and gone...
As for your poem well...you always amaze me...enough said...
People tell me I have the ability to pour my heart and soul on to paper and not be shy about....idk, you seem to do it better than I....your poetry is always like rants, but not rants. so hard to describe, because their so soft toned.
Ive been through this, it hit me hard, in fact I feel I am going through this and its quite annoying. haha.
keep expressing yourself, its what you do best.
5 years ago
Sometimes a write writes a poem that connect with them so strongly that there is an urgency of passion pouring into their hearts. And then sometimes someone writes a poem that pours a sense of urgent passion into the heart of the reader.
I think here you accomplished both things. My favorite poetry from you is always the vulnerable side, it feels so real and raw and emotional (which is what I personally relate to best). I'm in awe over this poem.
I've read this through three or four times now, looking for something to critique, looking for a flaw, but truly it has all the pieces I feel is most important for a poem. The emotion is definitely your strongest point, but the vulnerability in your descriptions just astounds me. I love the flow/pace you set in the structure you did, everything felt intentional but accidental - like it was something bubbling at the tip of your tongue that you were dying to get out. This is a beauty.
There were a lot of poems this week with complex thoughts and images, but this piece stood out to me for it's bare honesty and simplicity. Yaki's evoked strong emotion and realism in just a few lines and the whole piece is so effortless and accessible, I think anyone could feel what I felt upon reading it. My two favorite lines were: "In every set of brown eyes that I found under every rock, behind every shadow"... what a beautiful line. I think the idea could have been expanded a bit more, but it may have overwhelmed the poem, so I like it still, and "nothing as intimate as having you on the corner of my bed watching me from the corner of your eyes." Clever word play and clever imagery. Your words mean a lot Yaki. This is a really well written piece.