Relapse

Why is this happening?
I thought I was doing fine,
But I guess it's all just flooding back
Invading all corners of my mind

Why do I put up with this?
Why do they pretend they care?
I know they wish they didn't
Have to meet my empty stare

It's pulling me back under,
This thick, black grief,
It floods my lungs and clouds my mind
And fills me with disbelief

I thought I'd put it behind me
I thought I would be okay
I was sure they would listen
To what I had to say

I'm so sick of smiling
Sick of trying
Can't they see
That I'm still slowly dying?

So this is what relapse means
Sinking back into the pit
Sadness crashing, fear thrashing
I'm so angry I could spit

They told me I'd get better