The Outside World

2014-01-21

My window was open for a while
the cold razor-blade winds cut through my clothes
and the cacophony of city-life consumes me
the noise infatuates me,
my heart can't stop beating in rhythm to it

I dry my eyes
from the moisture of watching people
living out their every day lives
from inside the shelter of my five walls,
through stained glass

Because I can't control the envy,
wanting to become like they,
the people, -the- people,
the humans that are simply called
people

And I dance,
to the melody of cars and a hundred footsteps
and the presence of their lives moving forward
while I'm stuck inside
this prison I've created unintentionally

And then I try to sing,
but the screams of anxiety from the mere thought
of even trying
is enough
for my voice to never leave my throat

So I watch from this window, the outside
with envy and heart-break rhythms consuming me
Wanting, wanting, wanting to break free
Hating, hating hating the fear
that fear, that irrational stupid fear

of taking that first step
into the outside world, again