Worlds Apart

Pure beauty surrounds her, "my heart", it leaps
Forbidden love born from worlds apart
^
That is making me itch up as it has grammar errors and it takes from the beauty that is your poem my dear, if you can put ";" instead of a comma on the first one, that would be grand, and if you can make the words of the beginning letters; if your not beginning another sentence lowercase (and that's for every stanza) please. also add a period at the end of the first stanza. Besides that this poem is very beautiful and dark. The imagery was quite lovely and everything is perfect besides that little grammar mistake.

Second stanza, you should add the word "of" between darkness and my in the first line, and if you need to change subjects always rely on ";" or a comma, just saying hon. and you should add words to fit in with the lines because there's some words that are left out of the poem and I know that it shouldn't be like that. Besides that it's quite lovely.

I love the first and third stanza because they are so graphic and I can relate to them the most in this entire poem, which is lovely all the way, but those two stanzas grab you by the throat and make you reacognize its beauty, so beautiful.

Hmmm intresting how you made Valkyries angels since aren't they different from angels? I'm currious to it but I could be wrong. Loves should be "Loves'" since it's either plural or if it's single it should be "Love's"

Last two lines could be should be together with a ";" otherwise than that it was a very lovely dark love poem that captures the essance of love if it was deformed and brutal, if you were aiming for that then you got it and you mastered it and it's beautiful :) 5/5 for me! :)

~Mori~

Very well written!
it was a little bumpy!

but i liked the idea of the poem!
i'll read more of your work,
i don't have words for you here, but well done
keep up the good work

I like the description in this. Your pain is shown well here. I feel like there isn't a need to capitalize the first letter of each line , but you like that then that's cool. You express your feelings really great in the poem