False Dreams

OH. MY. GOD. Bl**dy h*ll Saffie, this is so <profane word with great impact> beautiful! Not sure where to begin!!!

I'm doing all of this in real time, and on pure impulse. No going back and editing what I've written before.

And I'm not sure what to say! Holy crap! The piece in its entirety is so vivid that I can feel it, touch it almost. It's like it's just barely out of reach. Slipping away. Yeah. Slipping away, like the hopes and dreams expressed.

So that's where I'll begin!

I can't disconnect the first and second stanza from eachother at all. No way. Like the piece in its entirety, I feel hopelessness and grief. It's like you're trying to confront your own self-deceit, but at the same time not. I'm not sure how to phrase it!

Bah! This comment will be a mess, because I love this poem, and I'm struggling to express why as vividly as what you have expressed within this poem. And I'm NOT willing to just voting on it and then moving on, keeping silent. No way.

Actually, now that I think about it, I don't really want to comment each individual stanza on their own. Because they really speak for themselves. Each and every stanza in this poem is powerful ind and of itself - but within the context of the bigger picture, it becomes immense. This poem is a Behemoth truly.

Because, like always, you read what you want the words to be read as. And this poem speaks about self-deceit - but more importantly, inner conflicts and loneliness. Obviously, the loneliness is explicit. I'd be silly to imply otherwise. Well, I am silly, but that's besides the point.

The third stanza is the bridge between the pain and even more pain. That's what I feel from it. It's really weird, and hard to describe, but the way that the first two stanzas are tied into the last stanza by using the third as a bridge, it feels like you're being extremely honest to yourself - and running away at the same time.

As if you're trying to confront your own flaws, but not really. Maybe to keep appearances up? Who knows. I'm just a silly person with silly ideas and silly readings, after all.

That ending though. That's one stanza I really, really want to comment on. It's so brutal. It's so heartbreaking. It's so beautiful that I feel like I'm a failure as a writer and a poet, because I don't really have a way to describe my relation to it properly. And I'm not sure if I can even try.

Sorry for the messy comment, and how little I actually said in it. I just HAD to write SOMETHING, because this is going into my favorites immediately, and I'll be back to this poem many times in the future. Many many times. It's ... Bah! Words are excessive! The poem is so amazingly beautiful and vivid that it speaks for itself!

*hugs*

Edit: God, I suck at writing constructive comments.

First: Dreams can be a very magical thing that can go both ways. I loved your wordplay here. You used hope but it's the context in which you used it. Your hope is hiding in the shadows and your dreams are becoming nightmares. False dreams to me equal nightmares. Well stated here.

Second: Nightmares you don't want to see but they recur in your life over and over. Depression really does stay hidden a lot of the time, that's what it does sadly. I liked the emotions you used so far, because they are a build up of the rest of the poem. You used sadness very well, and stay consistent with it so far.

Third: This is an excellent stanza because it tells why you wrote the first two stanzas. You feel lonely without this person in which you loved. Time and fate tore you apart and you are feeling that depression without them. You once loved them but now time took you away. That would make anyone sad.

Ending: This is a beautiful ending! Dreams keep you alive with their memories but depression makes you believe they are not coming back. I liked this poem a lot because of the emotions you told, it seems like it's a very personal poem and a reflective poem about memories and the present. 5/5