My final goodbye

I'm writing this to tell you I love you and tell you this is the end, my final goodbye.
I just can't deal with this pain anymore, believe me when I say that I've tried.
This is it for me, I can't hold on any longer.
Didn't want it to be this way, I'm sorry that I couldn't be stronger.
It's not like I really ever wanted to have to commit suicide.
Things just haven't been the same since my mom died.
Struggled with this addiction for 7 years now, can't stand the person I've become.
Heroin and meth have completely destroyed me.
All I am now is the shell of the person I used to be.
These wounds just won't heal, I'm way too traumatized by my past.
My heads so messed up, don't think it could ever be fixed.
A cure for my problems, and someone as broken and lost as me, doesn't exist.
I've shed more than enough tears, I've got enough scars.
I'm at the point of no return, this crap has gone way too far.
Really wanted to see you and hang out with you one last time before I had to go.
Being able to see you would mean more to me than you could ever know.
Your the only person I've got in this world that truly cares and actually gives a crap about me.
There are no words that I can say to explain how horrible I feel for hurting you like this, and for that, I'm truly sorry.
But this is just the way that it's gotta be.
I hope you know that you're the only reason I've continued to fight and hold on these past few months.
But I'm at the end of my rope, I've lost everything, and I feel in my heart things will never get better, so I'm giving up.
If suicide is a sin, then I guess I won't make it into heaven.
I'm just praying that God will understand my situation and make an exception.
I've tried for so long to get clean and stay that way but it seems all hope is lost.
Can't see any other way outta this, guess in order to escape this addiction, my life is what it's going to cost.
You'll always be my hero, my guardian angel sent from god, and you mean everything to me.
Kept thinking something would work out,
Trust me its been a continuous struggle to try to find another way.
Just know forever in my heart you will always stay.
The one thing that took away everything I had and destroyed me, iis ultimately going to be my demise.
As I do my final shot of dope, I can't help but breakdown and start to cry.
So much that I didn't get to say, so many things I didn't get to do, never got to see the day I turn 24, and all I can say is why?
Why couldn't things have been different?
Why is the only thing I know now have to be complete misery and pain?
If this is all my life will ever consist of then it's a damn shame.
As I start to feel myself slipping away, I lay my head on the pillow and close my eyes.
And think back to a much better place and time.
Back when I was a kid and my mom was still alive.
To all the ones that love me, I'm truly sorry to say that this is my final goodbye.